Stupid. Weak. Useless. They are just words.
Clever. Strong. Useful. Also just words.
However, when said in reference to someone, they transform
from just words to descriptions. They become labels. They have meaning.
The people they are used to describe can choose to take
these labels and some use them to define who they are or who they will become.
I have been labelled since I was in my mother’s womb. From
that moment on I have heard myself described in both positive and negative
lights. Did these labels have an impact in my life? To what extent? As a child,
I did not have any power over my circumstances. I enjoyed wonderful times when
we had a pleasant and secure lifestyle. I have also endured times when we had
nothing but just enough to survive. My label went from lucky to unlucky. I did
great at school so I was also labelled smart. But then I grew up and lived in a
place where smart was not as good as knowing how to cook, clean or sew so due
to my lack of interest, I was labelled useless, lazy and a ‘princess’ (insert
sarcastic tone). Every day I would hear this. Until today, it is a description
some people would use to define me.
But I refuse to allow myself to see me that way. I know that
I have more to offer. I know that I can be more. It is not for others that I
decided to work hard to define who I am. It is to tell myself that only I can
define who I am. But what about those who feel that they are stuck? They feel
that the glue on their labels is so strong that they are impossible to remove.
It is sad when I look at these people and their potential. What do they want
from life? Did they know they have a choice? Do they know they have the right,
the power and the responsibility to themselves to live the life they want?
Maybe they don’t think they can or they have the right to
because all their life they have been told what to do or what they can do.
“You can’t learn anything!”
“You are too ugly!”
“You are too dumb to decide for yourself!”
“You will get it wrong!”
“You won’t survive!”
“You will fail!”
“Just be happy with where you are.”
“You are lucky to have gotten this far.”
“Don’t set your sights too high.”
“Who is going to employ you?”
“Who is going to marry you now?”
“Who would love you?”
Words. They matter. They should be spoken with caution. They
should be spoken with clear understanding that they will be heard. They stir up
feelings, emotions and our memory makes us remember them, sometimes even if we
wish we had never heard them in the first place.
Never assume that a person will take what you say a certain
way. That person carries they history, individual assumptions and emotion. They
will react in their own personal way as they understand what has been said to
them. This is something you cannot control. All you can control is what you
say. So choose your words wisely and deliver them carefully.
