The Woman with the Married Man

I was in a conference at work when a workmate, who was married with a newborn daughter, decided it was appropriate to place his hand on my lap. Of course, I lifted up his hand off my lap and gave it back to him. He must have got a glance of my engagement ring because he said “Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you were engaged”. To which I replied “It would not have made any difference. I am not that kind of girl. How is your wife and baby girl by the way?” I thought I’d ask him just incase he thought I didn’t know he was married despite the fact that we had discussed the difficulties his wife had during labour. This got me thinking…why do married men think they can get away with hitting on other women? Is it because there are women who will let them get away with it? What kind of women are they? Why do they do it?

There are women who go for married men because they think “here is someone who is not afraid of commitment…maybe one day he will leave his wife and make a commitment to me”. Sure, he can make a commitment. The problem is; can he actually stick to that commitment long term? Anyone can get married but not everyone can stay committed to the marriage. And keep in mind, if he is cheating on his wife, what will stop him from cheating on his future wives? If you have an affair with a married man who then leaves his wife to be with you, will you be able to trust him knowing that you are with him as a result of an affair?

He is a ‘fixer-upper’. The poor guy had to get married because she fell pregnant with his baby. His marriage was arranged, he doesn’t love her. She doesn’t listen to him. She doesn’t give him enough attention. They are always fighting. They are not talking. They don’t even sleep in the same bed. He cannot deal with it all. Life is so complicated. He needs me. He tells me that he can’t live without me. I am the only one who understands. I am the only one who makes him feel appreciated. I can fix him. I will make him better. I will make him a better man. I am the one who loves him. Some women believe it is their calling to ‘fix’ married men. They know that he is married but they believe him when he tells them that he is not happy. That she is the only one who can make him happy, who can make him endure his marriage. She doesn’t mind that he only sees her to tell her about all his problems. That way, she feels needed, she feels like she has a purpose.

These days, we know that there are a lot of men out there who does not want to make a commitment. But there are also women who do not want to make a commitment. They may prefer to focus more on their career, have been in a serious relationship that didn’t work out or prefer not to be in a serious relationship. So they go for married men because those men are not likely to want a serious relationship either. They will just get together and they can leave without feeling accountable to each other. There are no commitments made, no emotional attachments and she is free to walk away whenever she wants – no strings attached.

A sense of entitlement can sometimes convince a woman that she deserves to be with a man even though he is married. If his wife chooses to take him for granted then she should not be surprised that he would go and find someone who will appreciate him. Besides, why would he stray if she was taking such good care of him? A good wife should be able to keep her husband. It is the wife’s fault that he has chosen to have an affair.
Some women are blinded by expensive gifts, luxurious getaways and all the romance money can buy that they don’t care if he is married. There are a lot of things people are willing to do for money so the term ‘gold-digger’ is nothing new.

I told the guy who was hitting on me that I am not that kind of girl. I have too much self respect to ever feel that it is ok to be with a married man. What kind of man would cheat on his wife? What kind of man thinks that I would be easily tempted? What level of respect did he have for me since he thought it was ok to put his hand on my lap? He was clearly embarrassed when I spoke up and showed my disapproval. Needless to say he never made another attempt on me. However, I am sure if a woman was willing, he would not think twice about having an affair.