A New Challenge
After managing the administration area of the Learning & Development department for a year, I was ready for a new challenge. I wanted to do something more IT related. The perfect opportunity came along when one of the company’s IT Trainer was promoted. My manager asked me if I was interested in the role. I told him that it would be a great challenge however I didn’t have a Certificate of Training and Assessment which is a requirement for the role. They told me that they would pay for me to complete the course and when I got my certificate, they would interview me for the role. I completed the course and was eventually promoted as the IT Trainer.
First Assignment
My first assignment as an IT Trainer was to go to Brisbane for three weeks and train State Managers, Branch Managers and Administrators on how to use a new application. I would fly there with the managers from Melbourne at 6am, go straight to the training site to set up and start training. I was nervous but excited at the same time. When we arrived at the training site, I started setting up the computers, there were 15 altogether as I had to train 15 people a day. People started arriving and I did not introduce myself because I was busily trying to set everything up so we could begin the session. Some of them decided to help me. They started to chat amongst themselves and one asked “When is the trainer arriving? I heard she is from Melbourne”.
Waiting for the Trainer
When everything was set up, I went to get a cup of coffee then went back into the training room. I went to sit at the front of the room, at the Trainer’s chair, and said in a loud voice “Ok everyone, let’s begin the training session. Please take a seat and sign the attendance sheet which will be passed around shortly”. One of the managers, who was not from Melbourne, said “We’re still waiting for the trainer”. I smiled and said “No, we are not, I am your trainer. My name is Jelvie Grech”. There were a few shocked expressions around the room however the session started and before long, we were done for the first day and went back to our hotel for drinks.
An Australian Sounding Assistant
After checking my emails in my hotel room, I went downstairs to the bar. I sat with the people I trained that day and they were talking about the session. I realised that I was the youngest person in the group, I was 23 at the time and everyone else would have been in their 40s or 50s. I was also the only Asian. Everyone else was Anglo-Australian. But I was used to that. I was also the only Asian in my department at the time. One of the managers I trained turned around and said to me “I was really worried that I wouldn’t understand your accent when I found out you were our trainer, but you actually sound Australian”. I laughed. Then another said “You look so young, we thought you were an assistant, just helping out”. I told them that it was interesting how these assumptions were made.
Who I Really Am
The same comments were made about me everywhere I went as a trainer. They were worried that I would have an accent that would be difficult to understand, or that I would not understand English, or that I was really too young to be training people who were older than me. However, after making trainees feel comfortable, they treated me as one of their own. They looked past their assumptions and realised that not all Asian looking individuals are the same. Some were born in Australia, some grew up in Australia. Some actually have accents that are not difficult to understand. They also realised that just because I was younger than them, it didn’t mean that I was not capable of doing my job. It would have been easy to feel intimidated and to be offended by all these assumptions but I chose to let it go. I found that if I got offended and let it get to me, people would not get a chance to get to know who I really am and their assumptions and perceptions would never change.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
The Scary Cancer Scare - Part 2
Something to Look Forward To
I went to see the doctor. She explained to me again about the biopsy. I cried again. She wanted to know why I was so upset. I told her that the thought of a big needle going into my breast was overwhelming. I told her that I was dreading the result if it was bad news. She told me that she understood. But that I should stay positive, that it would pass soon enough and if it is cancer, it’s better that I know sooner than later. The day I made an appointment for the biopsy I also made plans to do something on the day of the biopsy. Since we had Gold Class Tickets, I told my husband that I will get my Mum to baby-sit our son so that we can both go and see Sex and The City – The Movie. I wanted to look forward to something that day; I didn’t want it to be the day I got the biopsy. My husband said it was a good idea.
The Dreaded Biopsy
My husband arrived shortly after I did at The Alfred that day. I asked him to come along and be there with me. I was soon called in and after getting changed, I was led into the same room where I had the first ultrasound. The doctor then came in. She explained that she will be taking 2-3 samples, depending on how satisfied she is with the amount. She then injected my breast in several places with the anaesthetic. After she was sure that it was numb, she showed me the needle that would be used for the biopsy. It was a long needle that looked like a tube with a sharp end and it was connected to a button. She explained that she will count to three before pressing the button so that I can be prepared for the loud click. I braced myself for the first shot at getting the sample. The doctor inserted the needle into my breast and moved it around while she was looking at the ultrasound so she could insert it into the lump. It was such a weird feeling, the pressure of the needle moving around chasing a moving lump. She counted and I squeezed my husband’s hand. However, when she pressed the button, the clicking was so loud; I jumped and gave everyone a fright. I apologised. She took the first sample out, then said she will take a second one just incase. So again, the needle was inserted and this time I didn’t jump when she pressed the button. I breathed a sigh of relief until she said that she wanted to try for the last time to get a better sample. Apparently the lump kept moving and it wasn’t that easy. So again, the needle was inserted but this time, when she pressed the trigger, I felt an excruciating pain. It was so painful, I started crying and she asked me whether I was ok. I told her that I felt extreme pain. She apologised and said that she didn’t put the anaesthetic that deep but didn’t have time to stop as she had a good chance of getting a better sample. I was upset but didn’t want to show it. I thought, at least it was over and done with and I can now leave.
Life is Too Short
Before we left for the movie, I told my Mum about the biopsy. No one, besides my husband, my pastor and his wife, knew about the lump. I showed my Mum where they did the biopsy. They had placed clear bandage over the area and it was still bleeding. I could see that my Mum was upset that I had to go through this. I told her not to worry as I didn’t know anything at this stage. I then left to see the movie.
The movie was what I needed to take my mind off things. My husband told me to order what I like in the cinema so I decided to indulge. Life is too short to hesitate.
Back to Square One
I had just arrived at the childcare centre to pick up my son, when my phone rang. It was Felicity, the doctor. She was calling about the biopsy results. I felt like I was holding my breath while I was listening to her.
“Jelvie, I’m sorry to tell you this, I know how upset you were about the biopsy and I was sure we would get a result”, she said
“Oh, you haven’t received the results yet?” I asked.
“They did send me the results; however they said that it is inconclusive. They weren’t able to tell from all three samples whether it is just a lump or if it contains cancer cells”, she replied.
I was speechless. “Does that mean I have to do the biopsy again? I mean, how many samples did they need, they took three samples and the last one was painful because they didn’t put the anaesthetic deep enough”, I said. I was not happy.
“I’m sorry to hear that but let’s just discuss this when you come and see me, but just remember at this stage, we don’t know what it is yet”, she responded, trying to sound positive.
I called my husband to tell him. He was not happy. He was frustrated for me. His exact words were “What the f*ck did they do the biopsy for? All that pain you had to go through, I can’t believe it was for nothing”. We don't make a habit of swearing so the fact that he did told me that he was upset. We were back at square one.
What Next?
I went back to see the doctor again. She asked me if I wanted to do the biopsy again. I asked her what my other options were. She told me that I can either get the lump taken out which would involve surgery or I could go and see a specialist to check the lump again. The only thing with the specialist is that it would cost me around $400 per visit including her fees and any ultrasounds I needed to have. I told her that I wanted to see the specialist; I wanted a second opinion before I decide whether I should remove the lump altogether. The doctor referred me to a Breast Cancer Clinic in East Melbourne. I made an appointment soon after that. Through all this time, I was functioning as normal however so many things played in my head. I worried constantly. Thinking about the whole situation would make me cry. My husband and parents supported me through it all. My pastor and his wife prayed for me. It was all of them and my son who carried me through it. I thought, I'm going through all this now, imagine what a mess I'd be if I actually find out I had cancer.
The Specialist
The Breast Cancer Clinic was a very nice place. I waited in the waiting room and made myself a coffee which was provided. As I waited, I saw women walking in and out of the elevator. Some were young and some were older. Some with their partners, family members and their kids and some were alone. I could see that some of them were wearing hair pieces. Some wore scarves on their heads. Some had sunglasses on but were wiping tears off their faces. Were they crying because their treatment was not working? Were they crying because they only have a certain amount of time left to live? Were they crying because it was just too much for them to take? Their support person was rubbing their back, trying to make them feel better. It was a very sad situation. I prayed silently that I wouldn’t have to go through what they were going through. I prayed for them too. My name was then called and I had an ultrasound. Then the specialist came in. She was British, the specialist, she had a lovely accent. She then measured the lump and called out to her assistant who was typing it all in her computer. She checked for other lumps and measured them too. Finally she discussed the ultrasound with me. She said it looks like it was just a lump. No signs of breast cancer. But she told me that she wanted me to come back for a review in 3 months so she can check it again to make sure. I was so relieved.
Thank God for My Thick and Wavy Hair
When I left the Breast Cancer Clinic, I remember walking down to the tram stop and thanking God for my hair. I’ve always wished for straight hair because my hair was thick and wavy. But seeing all those women in there with no hair or losing their hair, I realised that I should be happy with my hair. I should enjoy it and not take it for granted, just as I shouldn’t take everything else for granted because life is too short.
Never Take Life For Granted
I went back to see the specialist again a few times after my first appointment. My last review took place when I was a month pregnant with my second child. I wanted to make sure I had the all clear. I kept thinking about women with cancer who had to get treatment after their baby was born and they couldn't go home with their babies. The specialist told me that it was fine but I should see her if I felt any pain. I was relieved that it was just a lump but was aware that it did not mean cancer was off the table. I remember wishing that I had gone to see the specialist from the beginning. Maybe then I wouldn’t have required a biopsy. But all the experience I went through showed me that sometimes we just have to surrender and deal with situations that are not ideal but cannot be avoided. Even though I didn’t have cancer, I realised that people with cancer did not just have to deal with physical pain. They also have to deal with emotional pain that was so intense that if they didn’t have people to support them or something to look forward to in life; they would find it easy to give up. I am glad I have people around me who care for me and pray for me. And every time I get the chance, I would always tell my sons that I love them and shower them with hugs and kisses. This cancer scare was enough reason for me to appreciate the little things in life and to give thanks for all that I am blessed with.
I went to see the doctor. She explained to me again about the biopsy. I cried again. She wanted to know why I was so upset. I told her that the thought of a big needle going into my breast was overwhelming. I told her that I was dreading the result if it was bad news. She told me that she understood. But that I should stay positive, that it would pass soon enough and if it is cancer, it’s better that I know sooner than later. The day I made an appointment for the biopsy I also made plans to do something on the day of the biopsy. Since we had Gold Class Tickets, I told my husband that I will get my Mum to baby-sit our son so that we can both go and see Sex and The City – The Movie. I wanted to look forward to something that day; I didn’t want it to be the day I got the biopsy. My husband said it was a good idea.
The Dreaded Biopsy
My husband arrived shortly after I did at The Alfred that day. I asked him to come along and be there with me. I was soon called in and after getting changed, I was led into the same room where I had the first ultrasound. The doctor then came in. She explained that she will be taking 2-3 samples, depending on how satisfied she is with the amount. She then injected my breast in several places with the anaesthetic. After she was sure that it was numb, she showed me the needle that would be used for the biopsy. It was a long needle that looked like a tube with a sharp end and it was connected to a button. She explained that she will count to three before pressing the button so that I can be prepared for the loud click. I braced myself for the first shot at getting the sample. The doctor inserted the needle into my breast and moved it around while she was looking at the ultrasound so she could insert it into the lump. It was such a weird feeling, the pressure of the needle moving around chasing a moving lump. She counted and I squeezed my husband’s hand. However, when she pressed the button, the clicking was so loud; I jumped and gave everyone a fright. I apologised. She took the first sample out, then said she will take a second one just incase. So again, the needle was inserted and this time I didn’t jump when she pressed the button. I breathed a sigh of relief until she said that she wanted to try for the last time to get a better sample. Apparently the lump kept moving and it wasn’t that easy. So again, the needle was inserted but this time, when she pressed the trigger, I felt an excruciating pain. It was so painful, I started crying and she asked me whether I was ok. I told her that I felt extreme pain. She apologised and said that she didn’t put the anaesthetic that deep but didn’t have time to stop as she had a good chance of getting a better sample. I was upset but didn’t want to show it. I thought, at least it was over and done with and I can now leave.
Life is Too Short
Before we left for the movie, I told my Mum about the biopsy. No one, besides my husband, my pastor and his wife, knew about the lump. I showed my Mum where they did the biopsy. They had placed clear bandage over the area and it was still bleeding. I could see that my Mum was upset that I had to go through this. I told her not to worry as I didn’t know anything at this stage. I then left to see the movie.
The movie was what I needed to take my mind off things. My husband told me to order what I like in the cinema so I decided to indulge. Life is too short to hesitate.
Back to Square One
I had just arrived at the childcare centre to pick up my son, when my phone rang. It was Felicity, the doctor. She was calling about the biopsy results. I felt like I was holding my breath while I was listening to her.
“Jelvie, I’m sorry to tell you this, I know how upset you were about the biopsy and I was sure we would get a result”, she said
“Oh, you haven’t received the results yet?” I asked.
“They did send me the results; however they said that it is inconclusive. They weren’t able to tell from all three samples whether it is just a lump or if it contains cancer cells”, she replied.
I was speechless. “Does that mean I have to do the biopsy again? I mean, how many samples did they need, they took three samples and the last one was painful because they didn’t put the anaesthetic deep enough”, I said. I was not happy.
“I’m sorry to hear that but let’s just discuss this when you come and see me, but just remember at this stage, we don’t know what it is yet”, she responded, trying to sound positive.
I called my husband to tell him. He was not happy. He was frustrated for me. His exact words were “What the f*ck did they do the biopsy for? All that pain you had to go through, I can’t believe it was for nothing”. We don't make a habit of swearing so the fact that he did told me that he was upset. We were back at square one.
What Next?
I went back to see the doctor again. She asked me if I wanted to do the biopsy again. I asked her what my other options were. She told me that I can either get the lump taken out which would involve surgery or I could go and see a specialist to check the lump again. The only thing with the specialist is that it would cost me around $400 per visit including her fees and any ultrasounds I needed to have. I told her that I wanted to see the specialist; I wanted a second opinion before I decide whether I should remove the lump altogether. The doctor referred me to a Breast Cancer Clinic in East Melbourne. I made an appointment soon after that. Through all this time, I was functioning as normal however so many things played in my head. I worried constantly. Thinking about the whole situation would make me cry. My husband and parents supported me through it all. My pastor and his wife prayed for me. It was all of them and my son who carried me through it. I thought, I'm going through all this now, imagine what a mess I'd be if I actually find out I had cancer.
The Specialist
The Breast Cancer Clinic was a very nice place. I waited in the waiting room and made myself a coffee which was provided. As I waited, I saw women walking in and out of the elevator. Some were young and some were older. Some with their partners, family members and their kids and some were alone. I could see that some of them were wearing hair pieces. Some wore scarves on their heads. Some had sunglasses on but were wiping tears off their faces. Were they crying because their treatment was not working? Were they crying because they only have a certain amount of time left to live? Were they crying because it was just too much for them to take? Their support person was rubbing their back, trying to make them feel better. It was a very sad situation. I prayed silently that I wouldn’t have to go through what they were going through. I prayed for them too. My name was then called and I had an ultrasound. Then the specialist came in. She was British, the specialist, she had a lovely accent. She then measured the lump and called out to her assistant who was typing it all in her computer. She checked for other lumps and measured them too. Finally she discussed the ultrasound with me. She said it looks like it was just a lump. No signs of breast cancer. But she told me that she wanted me to come back for a review in 3 months so she can check it again to make sure. I was so relieved.
Thank God for My Thick and Wavy Hair
When I left the Breast Cancer Clinic, I remember walking down to the tram stop and thanking God for my hair. I’ve always wished for straight hair because my hair was thick and wavy. But seeing all those women in there with no hair or losing their hair, I realised that I should be happy with my hair. I should enjoy it and not take it for granted, just as I shouldn’t take everything else for granted because life is too short.
Never Take Life For Granted
I went back to see the specialist again a few times after my first appointment. My last review took place when I was a month pregnant with my second child. I wanted to make sure I had the all clear. I kept thinking about women with cancer who had to get treatment after their baby was born and they couldn't go home with their babies. The specialist told me that it was fine but I should see her if I felt any pain. I was relieved that it was just a lump but was aware that it did not mean cancer was off the table. I remember wishing that I had gone to see the specialist from the beginning. Maybe then I wouldn’t have required a biopsy. But all the experience I went through showed me that sometimes we just have to surrender and deal with situations that are not ideal but cannot be avoided. Even though I didn’t have cancer, I realised that people with cancer did not just have to deal with physical pain. They also have to deal with emotional pain that was so intense that if they didn’t have people to support them or something to look forward to in life; they would find it easy to give up. I am glad I have people around me who care for me and pray for me. And every time I get the chance, I would always tell my sons that I love them and shower them with hugs and kisses. This cancer scare was enough reason for me to appreciate the little things in life and to give thanks for all that I am blessed with.
The Scary Cancer Scare - Part 1
I’ve always felt sad for people with cancer. It was one of those illnesses that didn’t always have a happy ending. Something I would not wish on anyone. I weep for my children when they are not well with a cold, worry for my Mum when she wasn’t feeling well and wish my Dad would take care of his health a bit more than he is. Little did I know, but it seems I would be the one who would be going through a cancer scare. It was a time in my life when I learned to appreciate life and not take anything for granted.
The Discovery
I was in the shower, getting ready for work when I felt a sharp pain coming from my left breast. I then discovered that the pain came from a lump. I didn’t allow myself to get too worried about it because I knew that a lump does not always mean cancer, it could just be a lump. But, I thought it was a good idea to get it checked by a doctor. I made an appointment and went to see the doctor during my lunch break.
The Doctor
The doctor checked the lump and told me to get an ultrasound done at the Alfred Hospital, just to be on the safe side. She told me not to worry because sometimes it is just a lump but an ultrasound would be able to determine that. However, she also went through some information about lumps and breast cancers and also said that if the ultrasound cannot determine what the lump is, I may require a biopsy. I asked her what was involved in a biopsy and she told me that they would have to insert a thick needle with a button on it, into my breast, and take some tissue samples of the lump. The tissue samples would then be sent to a lab for testing and they will be able to find out whether it contains cancer cells or whether it is just a lump. However, she reassured me that in most cases, an ultrasound is all that is required. I told her that I was terrified of needles. She assured me that the biopsy needle would not hurt as they will give me some anaesthetic to ensure I would not feel any pain. I would just feel the pressure of the biopsy needle. I asked her whether they can just put me to sleep when they do it, but she said that is not required. I remember wishing it was a requirement.
The First Ultrasound
Luckily, the Alfred Hospital was only a short walking distance from the office so I made an appointment during my lunchbreak and took a stroll down St Kilda Road. The technician that performed the Ultrasound took measurements of the lump, some still shots and checked for other lumps. It was uncomfortable but I had already given birth to my oldest son and this is not as uncomfortable as childbirth. They told me that the results would be sent to my doctor who will give me a call to discuss what they’ve found. I prayed that it was just a lump and that this ultrasound would confirm that.
The Call
I will never forget the call I received that evening. I had just picked up my son from childcare and was making him dinner. My son was playing on the rug in front of the television; he had just started to talk and was at such an adorable age.
“Jelvie, this is Felicity, from the St Kilda Rd Clinic”, the doctor said, “I have the results from your ultrasound”.
I thought it was a bit late for the doctor to call, it was around 6pm, so she either had really good news or really bad new.
“Hi Felicity”, I replied, “Is it good news or bad news?”
“Well, the good news is, we don’t know whether it is cancer or not, but the bad news is, you will need to get a biopsy so we can be sure”, she replied.
“So, it’s not just a lump, it could still be cancer?” I replied, at this stage I was getting upset and my eyes were tearing but I turned my back to my son, I didn’t want him to see me upset.
“Look Jelvie, why don’t you come and see me tomorrow afternoon and we will have a chat about it”, the doctor said. She then told me that she had made an appointment for me to see her at 4pm.
All I could manage to say was “Ok, no worries, thank you”. Then I hung up.
The Worst Feeling
I turned around and looked at my son. He was playing and then he looked up and smiled at me. I tried smiling back but couldn’t control the tears so I cried while stirring his dinner. I was starting to think about all the things I would miss out on if I died of breast cancer. All the smiles I wouldn’t be able to see, all the kisses and hugs I would no longer receive, not being there for his first day at school, not seeing him through his teenage years…it was just heartbreaking. I thought about my son looking for me only to find that I was no longer there for him. That was the worst feeling. I called my husband. He told me to stay positive. He said at least the biopsy would determine what the lump is and we can just deal with it. I didn’t sleep that night. I thought, if it wasn’t cancer, they should already be able to tell.
To be continued...
The Discovery
I was in the shower, getting ready for work when I felt a sharp pain coming from my left breast. I then discovered that the pain came from a lump. I didn’t allow myself to get too worried about it because I knew that a lump does not always mean cancer, it could just be a lump. But, I thought it was a good idea to get it checked by a doctor. I made an appointment and went to see the doctor during my lunch break.
The Doctor
The doctor checked the lump and told me to get an ultrasound done at the Alfred Hospital, just to be on the safe side. She told me not to worry because sometimes it is just a lump but an ultrasound would be able to determine that. However, she also went through some information about lumps and breast cancers and also said that if the ultrasound cannot determine what the lump is, I may require a biopsy. I asked her what was involved in a biopsy and she told me that they would have to insert a thick needle with a button on it, into my breast, and take some tissue samples of the lump. The tissue samples would then be sent to a lab for testing and they will be able to find out whether it contains cancer cells or whether it is just a lump. However, she reassured me that in most cases, an ultrasound is all that is required. I told her that I was terrified of needles. She assured me that the biopsy needle would not hurt as they will give me some anaesthetic to ensure I would not feel any pain. I would just feel the pressure of the biopsy needle. I asked her whether they can just put me to sleep when they do it, but she said that is not required. I remember wishing it was a requirement.
The First Ultrasound
Luckily, the Alfred Hospital was only a short walking distance from the office so I made an appointment during my lunchbreak and took a stroll down St Kilda Road. The technician that performed the Ultrasound took measurements of the lump, some still shots and checked for other lumps. It was uncomfortable but I had already given birth to my oldest son and this is not as uncomfortable as childbirth. They told me that the results would be sent to my doctor who will give me a call to discuss what they’ve found. I prayed that it was just a lump and that this ultrasound would confirm that.
The Call
I will never forget the call I received that evening. I had just picked up my son from childcare and was making him dinner. My son was playing on the rug in front of the television; he had just started to talk and was at such an adorable age.
“Jelvie, this is Felicity, from the St Kilda Rd Clinic”, the doctor said, “I have the results from your ultrasound”.
I thought it was a bit late for the doctor to call, it was around 6pm, so she either had really good news or really bad new.
“Hi Felicity”, I replied, “Is it good news or bad news?”
“Well, the good news is, we don’t know whether it is cancer or not, but the bad news is, you will need to get a biopsy so we can be sure”, she replied.
“So, it’s not just a lump, it could still be cancer?” I replied, at this stage I was getting upset and my eyes were tearing but I turned my back to my son, I didn’t want him to see me upset.
“Look Jelvie, why don’t you come and see me tomorrow afternoon and we will have a chat about it”, the doctor said. She then told me that she had made an appointment for me to see her at 4pm.
All I could manage to say was “Ok, no worries, thank you”. Then I hung up.
The Worst Feeling
I turned around and looked at my son. He was playing and then he looked up and smiled at me. I tried smiling back but couldn’t control the tears so I cried while stirring his dinner. I was starting to think about all the things I would miss out on if I died of breast cancer. All the smiles I wouldn’t be able to see, all the kisses and hugs I would no longer receive, not being there for his first day at school, not seeing him through his teenage years…it was just heartbreaking. I thought about my son looking for me only to find that I was no longer there for him. That was the worst feeling. I called my husband. He told me to stay positive. He said at least the biopsy would determine what the lump is and we can just deal with it. I didn’t sleep that night. I thought, if it wasn’t cancer, they should already be able to tell.
To be continued...
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Inter-racially Mixed
Choice
My father is Indonesian and my mother is East Timorese and Chinese. My husband’s father is Maltese and his mother is Australian (British heritage). So you can say that I have an inter-racial marriage. It was a choice I made when I was around 15 years old. I wanted something different; I wanted to understand a different culture and traditions. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the men of my own race however; I never saw them as someone I’d like to have a relationship with.
My father is Indonesian and my mother is East Timorese and Chinese. My husband’s father is Maltese and his mother is Australian (British heritage). So you can say that I have an inter-racial marriage. It was a choice I made when I was around 15 years old. I wanted something different; I wanted to understand a different culture and traditions. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the men of my own race however; I never saw them as someone I’d like to have a relationship with.
Assumptions
It is becoming very common to see more and more inter-racial couples in
Not one of “those” couples
When I had just got married, a lady at work came and congratulated me then asked me what nationality my husband was, since I had changed my surname to Grech. I told her that he is Maltese/Australian. She then proceeded to ask me whether he was much older than me which I found a little inappropriate but told her that he was around 30 years older than me. She nodded as if she was expecting the answer then asked if I had a photo. So I showed her a photo of us and told her that I was joking and that my husband is only 4 years older than me. She looked surprised then asked where we met. Then I asked her why she asked whether my husband was much older than me. She told me that usually, when she sees inter-racial couples, there would be a big age gap. But she then winked and said “I guess you’re not one of those couples”. I did not ask for clarification, I didn’t think it was worth it.
Citizenship
My husband and I were having lunch with his best friend and his best friend’s girlfriend at the time. They were also an inter-racial couple. He was Russian and his girlfriend was Korean. We were discussing our plans to go overseas and my husband was saying how happy he was that I can now get my Australian passport and we can finally travel overseas. His best friend’s girlfriend suddenly asked “Did you get married so that you can get your citizenship and travel?” I was shocked that she would ask such a question and was relieved when my husband answered “No, we got married because we love each other and she would have got her citizenship even if we didn’t get married”. Let’s just say, that question made lunch a little awkward.
Compared to what?
My friend once asked me “What’s it like to be married to a Western man?”
“Compared to what?” I asked her.
“Compared to being married to an Asian man”, she answered.
“I don’t know. What’s it like being married to an Asian man? I haven’t married an Asian man before so it’s difficult to compare”, I replied.
My friend laughed. She was not the first person to ask me that question but I still feel like I cannot answer it. All I said was that Western men are still men nonetheless so there wouldn’t be much difference besides cultural differences.
3 colour ice
There is now a new generation of inter-racial couples in
My husband, his cousins, their partners, our son and I went out to lunch. We went to our favourite Vietnamese noodle restaurant. As they arranged some tables and chairs to accommodate us, I realised that all of the women are Asian and all the men (my husband and his cousins) are Australian and Maltese. My son sat at the head of table, he is a combination of both sides and he did not see colour or race, he was just enjoying his 3 colour ice surrounded by the people he calls his family.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
When 2 Become 1 = 3
After 3 years of marriage, my husband and I decided that it was time we extended our family. No, we didn’t get a puppy; instead we decided to have a baby. As a couple, we felt we were emotionally and financially ready to take this next step into our relationship. I was also ready for a change career-wise and thought a year’s maternity leave would give me a chance to see what else is out there for me.
My only condition was that we got to go on a little round-the-world trip to the cities I’ve always wanted to visit. So off we went on a 5 week trip to New York, London, Paris, Madrid, Rome, Singapore, Jakarta, Surabaya and Yogyakarta. On the 2nd day after our return to Melbourne, I found out that I was pregnant. After a visit to the doctor, it was confirmed that I was 5 weeks pregnant (my friends joke that our oldest son was conceived in New York). Then it hit me, throughout our trip, I kept complaining of back pain, I slept through a boat ride in Singapore and by the time we got to Indonesia, I would just fall asleep during the day and didn’t know why. Then there was also the throwing up in Jakarta and I was always eating and wanting more food (although some would argue that I had a strong appetite even when I am not pregnant). I also remember having more arguments with my husband and thinking back, it must have been all the hormones and mood swings which makes it worse.
He's here!!!
The day finally arrived; I was at Frances Perry in Carlton and had just given birth to a baby boy. He was healthy, everything was alright and life as we know would never be the same because we had been given a precious gift to take care of and he would depend on us and we were responsible for him. After 5 days at the hospital, we took our baby home and placed him in his cot, in the nursery we had prepared for him as we waited for his arrival. The first few weeks were emotionally and physically challenging. We were both exhausted as our baby would wake up every 2-3 hours for a feed. My husband would get up to pick up the baby and bring him to me to feed and put him back in his cot. I remember by the third week, I was so tired that I questioned whether the baby knew just how tired we were (talk about high expectations). My husband brought me back down to earth and calmly reminded me that our baby was depending on me to feed him and this phase would pass and it will get better. He was right though, everything got easier and we soon got back into 6-7 hours of sleep. We watched our baby grow and develop into a toddler and a little boy who is turning 4 in June.
Baby, you’ve changed my world…
My husband tells everyone that it’s true what people say. The very first time you hold your baby in your arms, you realise that life will never be the same.
So to give you a few examples, I have listed the following changes you may experience once your bundle of joy enters the world:
Weekends
Before baby
After a long week at work, my husband and I would always spend our weekend going to dinner at a new or favourite restaurant, watch a new film at the cinemas (we walked in once and realised we had seen all the movies that were showing), visiting friends/family, having friends/family over, throwing parties, sleeping in, watching DVDs all day or just going out spontaneously.
After baby
Catch up on sleep where possible, catch up on housework, rent a DVD and sometimes would actually get to watch the whole film without pausing, visit family or have them come over so that they can hold the baby and you are free to take a nap or catch up on housework. Waking up early because no matter what time the baby goes to sleep, he will wake up at the same time every morning. There was no going out spontaneously, everything was planned. Then, just to ensure all your plans go out the window, the moment you think you're ready to go, the baby would need a nappy change or he would vomit on his clothes or on your clothes or both.
Dining out
Before baby
Anywhere, anytime. Morning, noon and night.
After baby
Is the restaurant family friendly? Can we fit the pram next to our table? Is there a baby room incase we need to change his nappy? What if I need to feed him, will people be uncomfortable?
Going out
Before baby
Got my handbag…let’s go!!!
After baby
Baby bag (which contains nappies, wipes, change-mat, spare clothes, feeding cover), bottle bag, pram, blanket, toys…oh and last but not least, my handbag.
The silver lining
Even though the above examples may seem overwhelming and may put a negative spin on having a baby, don’t be discouraged because things do get better. It gets much easier as your baby gets older. Don’t forget all the benefits you get back from them, their smile, their breathtaking hugs, their kisses and cuddles and their unconditional love. You will never know the feeling until you can feel them for yourself. And once you have felt it, you will never be the same and you will never want to be without it. That is why they say having a baby is a life-changing experience. My son asked me “Mummy, are you ok?” I answered, “No, my back is sore”. To which he replied “Well…let me give you a cuddle, so that you will feel better”.
Sure, the soreness did not go away but no painkiller can ever compete with that cuddle.
My only condition was that we got to go on a little round-the-world trip to the cities I’ve always wanted to visit. So off we went on a 5 week trip to New York, London, Paris, Madrid, Rome, Singapore, Jakarta, Surabaya and Yogyakarta. On the 2nd day after our return to Melbourne, I found out that I was pregnant. After a visit to the doctor, it was confirmed that I was 5 weeks pregnant (my friends joke that our oldest son was conceived in New York). Then it hit me, throughout our trip, I kept complaining of back pain, I slept through a boat ride in Singapore and by the time we got to Indonesia, I would just fall asleep during the day and didn’t know why. Then there was also the throwing up in Jakarta and I was always eating and wanting more food (although some would argue that I had a strong appetite even when I am not pregnant). I also remember having more arguments with my husband and thinking back, it must have been all the hormones and mood swings which makes it worse.
He's here!!!
The day finally arrived; I was at Frances Perry in Carlton and had just given birth to a baby boy. He was healthy, everything was alright and life as we know would never be the same because we had been given a precious gift to take care of and he would depend on us and we were responsible for him. After 5 days at the hospital, we took our baby home and placed him in his cot, in the nursery we had prepared for him as we waited for his arrival. The first few weeks were emotionally and physically challenging. We were both exhausted as our baby would wake up every 2-3 hours for a feed. My husband would get up to pick up the baby and bring him to me to feed and put him back in his cot. I remember by the third week, I was so tired that I questioned whether the baby knew just how tired we were (talk about high expectations). My husband brought me back down to earth and calmly reminded me that our baby was depending on me to feed him and this phase would pass and it will get better. He was right though, everything got easier and we soon got back into 6-7 hours of sleep. We watched our baby grow and develop into a toddler and a little boy who is turning 4 in June.
Baby, you’ve changed my world…
My husband tells everyone that it’s true what people say. The very first time you hold your baby in your arms, you realise that life will never be the same.
So to give you a few examples, I have listed the following changes you may experience once your bundle of joy enters the world:
Weekends
Before baby
After a long week at work, my husband and I would always spend our weekend going to dinner at a new or favourite restaurant, watch a new film at the cinemas (we walked in once and realised we had seen all the movies that were showing), visiting friends/family, having friends/family over, throwing parties, sleeping in, watching DVDs all day or just going out spontaneously.
After baby
Catch up on sleep where possible, catch up on housework, rent a DVD and sometimes would actually get to watch the whole film without pausing, visit family or have them come over so that they can hold the baby and you are free to take a nap or catch up on housework. Waking up early because no matter what time the baby goes to sleep, he will wake up at the same time every morning. There was no going out spontaneously, everything was planned. Then, just to ensure all your plans go out the window, the moment you think you're ready to go, the baby would need a nappy change or he would vomit on his clothes or on your clothes or both.
Dining out
Before baby
Anywhere, anytime. Morning, noon and night.
After baby
Is the restaurant family friendly? Can we fit the pram next to our table? Is there a baby room incase we need to change his nappy? What if I need to feed him, will people be uncomfortable?
Going out
Before baby
Got my handbag…let’s go!!!
After baby
Baby bag (which contains nappies, wipes, change-mat, spare clothes, feeding cover), bottle bag, pram, blanket, toys…oh and last but not least, my handbag.
The silver lining
Even though the above examples may seem overwhelming and may put a negative spin on having a baby, don’t be discouraged because things do get better. It gets much easier as your baby gets older. Don’t forget all the benefits you get back from them, their smile, their breathtaking hugs, their kisses and cuddles and their unconditional love. You will never know the feeling until you can feel them for yourself. And once you have felt it, you will never be the same and you will never want to be without it. That is why they say having a baby is a life-changing experience. My son asked me “Mummy, are you ok?” I answered, “No, my back is sore”. To which he replied “Well…let me give you a cuddle, so that you will feel better”.
Sure, the soreness did not go away but no painkiller can ever compete with that cuddle.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Too young for marriage...
Isn't it time you got married...?
My husband and I were listening to Jack deliver the church announcements about 3 years ago. After welcoming first time visitors and mentioning the church roster, he proceeded to tell us about a seminar regarding couples taking the next step to marriage. He then started looking around the room and began to invite unmarried couples to attend the seminar. He then looked in our direction and said "Jelvie, Steve, isn't it time you got married...?"
Of course, most of the congregation laughed and my friends shouted "They're married!"
Do you have any children...?
Despite all the negativity surrounding people who get married young, I am happy with my decision. I was 21 when I married my husband and he was 25 which I believe is pretty young for a guy but we went through with it. It's not all perfect but no marriage is, it takes a lot of work, commitment and dedication but the rewards are worth it.
One of the common questions I get from people when I introduced Stephen as my husband when we were newlyweds, is "Do you have any children?"
A lady asked me this question because she thought we got married due to an unplanned pregnancy and was shocked when I told her that we didn't have any children yet. Even if we did have a child, it's never a nice thing to assume that it is a loveless marriage due to circumstance. Many people I know did marry earlier than planned because they were expecting a child but they are also very much in love.
But you haven't experienced enough...
I never planned on getting married at 21. I didn't want to go out with the boys in highschool and I never really spent much time looking for a boyfriend. Especially since Dad had the rule "No boyfriends until you give me your certificate for a Bachelor's degree". So my teenage years were spent studying, being with my family, going to parties and going straight home. I never felt like I was missing out. Plus, I've always wanted to have one boyfriend who I would eventually marry.
I met my husband through friends, they met him and introduced him to me. We were friends for about a year before our relationship was established. He had previous girlfriends and I wanted to make sure his intentions were right before I went any further. So about 2 months into our relationship we discussed the issue of marriage. He made it clear he wanted to marry me and we got engaged that same year and got married after I had graduated with my Bachelor's degree.
Some people I know asked why I rushed getting married, why not see if someone better comes along...
Or they say, but you haven't seen the world...
What about your career...
Why rush it...In my opinion, sometimes you just know if a person is right for you and if you keep thinking that someone better might come along then you'd spend all your life waiting even though the right person is right there in front of you. I had a list of qualities I wanted in a husband. How did I know what I wanted when I was 21? Does it really matter? There are women who are 41 who still don't know what they want. How many men should I go through before I can safely say, "Yes, he is the one!"
You haven't seen the world...Sure, at 21 I haven't seen the world, but at 24, my husband and I traveled on a little around-the-world trip and I got to see the world together with him.
What about your career...? My career is still going, it's great to have someone who is supportive, is as ambitious and has the same work ethics as me. Marriage doesn't always mean you no longer have a right to a career...it's your choice...there was no such ultimatum for me.
So, marriage at 21 is not that bad! I am 28 now and have 2 children, a family home with a little mortgage and a supportive husband who sometimes gets on my nerves but all in all, I don't regret it one bit.
There are no guarantees in life and a lot of marriages fail whether people chose to get married when they were younger or older. Don't worry, I am not as naive as I may sound. However, all you can do is make a choice for yourself, learn from your mistakes and give it your best.
What do you think? Is there a perfect age for marriage? Do you have a list of things you'd like to accomplish before you get married? Or if you are married, what would you have done differently?
My husband and I were listening to Jack deliver the church announcements about 3 years ago. After welcoming first time visitors and mentioning the church roster, he proceeded to tell us about a seminar regarding couples taking the next step to marriage. He then started looking around the room and began to invite unmarried couples to attend the seminar. He then looked in our direction and said "Jelvie, Steve, isn't it time you got married...?"
Of course, most of the congregation laughed and my friends shouted "They're married!"
Do you have any children...?
Despite all the negativity surrounding people who get married young, I am happy with my decision. I was 21 when I married my husband and he was 25 which I believe is pretty young for a guy but we went through with it. It's not all perfect but no marriage is, it takes a lot of work, commitment and dedication but the rewards are worth it.
One of the common questions I get from people when I introduced Stephen as my husband when we were newlyweds, is "Do you have any children?"
A lady asked me this question because she thought we got married due to an unplanned pregnancy and was shocked when I told her that we didn't have any children yet. Even if we did have a child, it's never a nice thing to assume that it is a loveless marriage due to circumstance. Many people I know did marry earlier than planned because they were expecting a child but they are also very much in love.
But you haven't experienced enough...
I never planned on getting married at 21. I didn't want to go out with the boys in highschool and I never really spent much time looking for a boyfriend. Especially since Dad had the rule "No boyfriends until you give me your certificate for a Bachelor's degree". So my teenage years were spent studying, being with my family, going to parties and going straight home. I never felt like I was missing out. Plus, I've always wanted to have one boyfriend who I would eventually marry.
I met my husband through friends, they met him and introduced him to me. We were friends for about a year before our relationship was established. He had previous girlfriends and I wanted to make sure his intentions were right before I went any further. So about 2 months into our relationship we discussed the issue of marriage. He made it clear he wanted to marry me and we got engaged that same year and got married after I had graduated with my Bachelor's degree.
Some people I know asked why I rushed getting married, why not see if someone better comes along...
Or they say, but you haven't seen the world...
What about your career...
Why rush it...In my opinion, sometimes you just know if a person is right for you and if you keep thinking that someone better might come along then you'd spend all your life waiting even though the right person is right there in front of you. I had a list of qualities I wanted in a husband. How did I know what I wanted when I was 21? Does it really matter? There are women who are 41 who still don't know what they want. How many men should I go through before I can safely say, "Yes, he is the one!"
You haven't seen the world...Sure, at 21 I haven't seen the world, but at 24, my husband and I traveled on a little around-the-world trip and I got to see the world together with him.
What about your career...? My career is still going, it's great to have someone who is supportive, is as ambitious and has the same work ethics as me. Marriage doesn't always mean you no longer have a right to a career...it's your choice...there was no such ultimatum for me.
So, marriage at 21 is not that bad! I am 28 now and have 2 children, a family home with a little mortgage and a supportive husband who sometimes gets on my nerves but all in all, I don't regret it one bit.
There are no guarantees in life and a lot of marriages fail whether people chose to get married when they were younger or older. Don't worry, I am not as naive as I may sound. However, all you can do is make a choice for yourself, learn from your mistakes and give it your best.
What do you think? Is there a perfect age for marriage? Do you have a list of things you'd like to accomplish before you get married? Or if you are married, what would you have done differently?
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