I was required to attend a meeting in our Head Office one day which was located around 30 minutes from my office. I was going to drive myself however one of my colleagues offered to give me a lift as he was required to attend the same meeting. Unfortunately, when the meeting was over, he was required to attend another meeting therefore had to stay back and was unable to give me a lift back to our office, so I was required to take a taxi back. The receptionist called a taxi for me and I was soon on my way back, or so I thought.
The first thing that made me uncomfortable was that the taxi driver kept making calls and answering calls on his mobile phone, not using the hands-free, and he didn’t go the route I would have gone. It felt like he was on his way somewhere else. Whilst on the phone, he also kept saying that he was going to be somewhere in 10 minutes and I knew the trip would take longer than that. In between calls, he made small talk and kept talking about his family back home. He kept saying how much he missed them and how difficult it has been for him to settle in Melbourne. He said he felt lonely and sometimes depressed.
Around 10 minutes later, we were on the Princes Highway and he suddenly turned into a Hungry Jacks carpark and casually said “I will just be a few minutes, my friends are waiting for me”. What was I supposed to say to that? I remember thinking that I needed to get out of this taxi. But then I saw two men waiting at the carpark, leaning against a car. The taxi stopped and the driver started speaking to both men. They were speaking in their language so I couldn’t understand what they were saying. Then one of the men gave the driver a thick roll of cash and another one passed him a backpack. The backpack was passed on to him very slowly and was lying flat. He placed the backpack carefully on the passenger seat; I was sitting at the back. I wanted to get out then and there but couldn’t see anyone else around and was worried that the driver and his two friends would do something to me. I thought that maybe I was being paranoid but what if my instincts were right?
So I stayed in and started to think about what I would do. I couldn’t help thinking about what was in the bag. Why did they give him all that cash? Why were they so careful with the bag? Why is the bag lying flat like that? Usually backpacks are placed standing up. I didn’t want to think of the worst but I remember praying that I would see my family again and asking God for direction. They spoke a little more, everything probably took around 5 minutes but it felt very slow, then the driver took off and we were soon back on the highway.
I then saw Chadstone, a shopping centre, up ahead and all of a sudden said “Oh, is that Chadstone up ahead?”
The driver said “Yes, it is”.
“Sorry about this but would it be possible for you to just drop me off at Chadstone?” I asked him, “I actually have a contract for the Myer store manager and he said that I should drop them off if I am in the area, I didn’t realise we were going past”. I prayed that he would turn into the carpark, please God…let him turn into the carpark.
He said “So, you don’t want to go back to the city?”
“No…I should really give him this contract, my manager wants him to sign it as soon as possible”, I told him. He then turned into the carpark and stopped. He then asked if I wanted him to wait for me. I told him that I was unsure how long it would take so it was best that he didn’t wait for me. I offered to pay him the full fare but he only charged me for the short trip. I thanked him and left the taxi with a sigh of relief.
I made my way back to the office on a different taxi, no extra stop-over and the driver made me feel comfortable. I then made a complaint through the taxi’s website. It was an awful experience and whether I was over-reacting or not, I didn’t feel safe and did not have peace of mind whilst I was in that taxi. I never found out what was in the bag or what that stop-over was all about. But I was glad that I was no longer a part of it. I wish we lived in a world where we didn’t have to be threatened by these matters. Unfortunately we have seen too much and know too much to realise that sometimes it is better to be safe than sorry.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
After Saying “I Do”
A reader has requested some tips for marriage after reading my post “Too Young for Marriage…”
I’d like to make it clear that I am not a marriage expert or qualified in the practice of giving advice, so all I can write about is what I have experienced in my 7 years of marriage and what I have observed around me. My marriage is not perfect, but no marriage is. Please be aware that all marriages are different as they include two individuals with different personalities, values and beliefs. However, to me, keeping to these general tips tend to help with the challenges that comes with being married.
Always put each other as first priority
Your relationship should come first. In every decision you make, you should ask yourself whether it will benefit your relationship or whether it will cause problems. This is not as easy as it sounds because sometimes this will involve family and friends and the outcome may cause you to be unpopular for a while but just remember, if they care about you, they will respect your decision and will be there for you anyway.
Be trustworthy and trust each other
Trust is not only about not lying to each other but it’s also about trusting that:
• You are safe with your partner
• You will not be hurt emotionally or physically
• You will not be neglected, your emotional and physical needs will be met
• You will be included in all decisions
• You have nothing to hide from each other, there are no surprises
• You will support each other no matter what
Communicate
Listen to what your partner has to say. Sometimes this means simply “to listen” and let them talk. It is also about saying exactly what you mean. If you want to get something off your chest then do it. Don’t say everything is ok and then get frustrated that your partner cannot read your mind.
Raise issues as you see them
If something is bothering you about your partner and you think it is something that should be addressed, then you should discuss it as soon as possible. Don’t put it off and stew about it until you explode. You will find that there may be a good explanation for why something is happening but you won’t find out until you discuss it.
Have disagreements
It is ok not to agree all the time but it is important to accept that about each other and compromise. You are both individuals so you can’t expect to be the same person. But if you disagree, argue about the issue and nothing else. I would be worried if I was in a relationship where there are no arguments. To me, that equates to no communication.
Pick your fights
My husband and I used to argue about the smallest things. What I said, what he said, what I should have done, what he was supposed to do, who’s going to take the rubbish out, who’s turn is it to cook. But you will find that as you move forward, life throws a lot of challenges at you and you will discover that all those little things you used to spend days arguing about and giving each other silent treatments for are nothing compared to what’s coming. It could be illness, loss of a loved one, financial hardships etc. That’s when you need each other and arguing is no longer relevant.
Be the best of “you” that you can be
This is not about your partner so much as it is about you. I believe that if you are the best version of you mentally and physically, you will be a happier person and a happier partner. This will in turn encourage your partner to do the same. It is about motivating each other in a positive way.
Make sure you can laugh together
Laughter is the best medicine. There is nothing like the joy of laughing together. Whether it is at each other’s expense or not, it’s always nice to be able to share funny moments.
Share the boring tasks
Let’s face it, unless you are fortunate enough to have a housekeeper and chef, you will need to do the boring tasks at home. It is important that you can rely on each other to share these tasks. They should not be limited to just one person to do. Growing up, all I hear are the women in my family complaining that in addition to working and taking care of the children, they also have to do everything in the house. I didn’t want to be one of those women who complains about their husbands. So I believe in both parties having a fair share.
Discuss your expectations
Don’t wait until you are married. You need to know and understand what you want out of the marriage. Whether it is about children, career, where you want to live, where you want to be in the future etc. Don’t expect your partner to change for you and don’t be so stubborn that you refuse to compromise your expectations.
Everybody makes mistakes
In the end, you are both human and you make mistakes. It is up to you whether you can forgive and forget. If you feel that your relationship can continue then do so. However, if you feel like it is something that will always question your partnership then you need to decide whether it is worth staying or if you should move on. Living in a relationship filled with mistrust, betrayal, guilt and disappointment will only cause bitterness and disrespect towards your partner. Life is too short for that.
Don’t discuss your marital problems with friends of the opposite sex
A friend of mine discussed her marital problems with a male friend. He was a great listener and after a while was telling her that she was too good for her husband and that she should leave her husband for him. He wasn’t looking after her best interest. He was looking after his best interest. She asked me what she should do. I told her that she should deal with her marriage first. If she wants to be with her friend then she should end her marriage before moving on. Unfaithfulness is something that I have a hard time tolerating. If you have a marital problem, only you and your partner can resolve it. So talk to each other. Family and genuine friends can only listen however the decision is up to you and your partner.
Give each other space
This is something I really struggled with at the start of my marriage. It all came down to my inability to trust, my sense of security in my marriage and this was all from what I have observed and experienced growing up, it had nothing to do with my relationship. I just couldn’t understand why my husband would want to spend time with his friends or family. I thought “was I not enough?” But I grew out of that, it took time, but I know that sometimes I like to spend time with my friends. I like to spend time with my family. And my husband gave me the freedom to do that so I should have the courtesy to do that for him.
Respect
Respect each other and treat your partner the way you'd like to be treated. This means having respect for yourself and showing others how you deserve to be treated.
Do something that your partner enjoys even if you don't
I cannot swim to save my life. But my husband wanted to go on a diving trip out in Far North Queensland. I went along, not because it was something I'd enjoy doing, but because I knew it would be nice to share something that my husband enjoys. When I arrived, he had arranged it so that I'd go diving too. I was terrified but still went through with it, even though there were reef sharks everywhere and land was nowhere in sight. I spent the whole time having my hand held by a diving instructor but at least I got to experience what my husband enjoys and it wasn't a bad thing. In saying that, my husband has sat through a lot of Romantic Comedies and is always available as my dancing partner even though I know he'd prefer to relax at home with an action movie.
80/20 Rule
If you are happy 80% of the time and unhappy 20% of the time, then you are ok. However, if you are only happy 20% of the time and unhappy 80% of the time, you need to do something about your relationship. Because it is not working or as my husband says “you’ve got to bail”.
One of my favourite things at the end of a long day is when my husband offers to make me a cup of tea or coffee. We would sit together and talk or watch TV but it is the simple gesture that means so much.
Feel free to share your thoughts, tips and opinions...
I’d like to make it clear that I am not a marriage expert or qualified in the practice of giving advice, so all I can write about is what I have experienced in my 7 years of marriage and what I have observed around me. My marriage is not perfect, but no marriage is. Please be aware that all marriages are different as they include two individuals with different personalities, values and beliefs. However, to me, keeping to these general tips tend to help with the challenges that comes with being married.
Always put each other as first priority
Your relationship should come first. In every decision you make, you should ask yourself whether it will benefit your relationship or whether it will cause problems. This is not as easy as it sounds because sometimes this will involve family and friends and the outcome may cause you to be unpopular for a while but just remember, if they care about you, they will respect your decision and will be there for you anyway.
Be trustworthy and trust each other
Trust is not only about not lying to each other but it’s also about trusting that:
• You are safe with your partner
• You will not be hurt emotionally or physically
• You will not be neglected, your emotional and physical needs will be met
• You will be included in all decisions
• You have nothing to hide from each other, there are no surprises
• You will support each other no matter what
Communicate
Listen to what your partner has to say. Sometimes this means simply “to listen” and let them talk. It is also about saying exactly what you mean. If you want to get something off your chest then do it. Don’t say everything is ok and then get frustrated that your partner cannot read your mind.
Raise issues as you see them
If something is bothering you about your partner and you think it is something that should be addressed, then you should discuss it as soon as possible. Don’t put it off and stew about it until you explode. You will find that there may be a good explanation for why something is happening but you won’t find out until you discuss it.
Have disagreements
It is ok not to agree all the time but it is important to accept that about each other and compromise. You are both individuals so you can’t expect to be the same person. But if you disagree, argue about the issue and nothing else. I would be worried if I was in a relationship where there are no arguments. To me, that equates to no communication.
Pick your fights
My husband and I used to argue about the smallest things. What I said, what he said, what I should have done, what he was supposed to do, who’s going to take the rubbish out, who’s turn is it to cook. But you will find that as you move forward, life throws a lot of challenges at you and you will discover that all those little things you used to spend days arguing about and giving each other silent treatments for are nothing compared to what’s coming. It could be illness, loss of a loved one, financial hardships etc. That’s when you need each other and arguing is no longer relevant.
Be the best of “you” that you can be
This is not about your partner so much as it is about you. I believe that if you are the best version of you mentally and physically, you will be a happier person and a happier partner. This will in turn encourage your partner to do the same. It is about motivating each other in a positive way.
Make sure you can laugh together
Laughter is the best medicine. There is nothing like the joy of laughing together. Whether it is at each other’s expense or not, it’s always nice to be able to share funny moments.
Share the boring tasks
Let’s face it, unless you are fortunate enough to have a housekeeper and chef, you will need to do the boring tasks at home. It is important that you can rely on each other to share these tasks. They should not be limited to just one person to do. Growing up, all I hear are the women in my family complaining that in addition to working and taking care of the children, they also have to do everything in the house. I didn’t want to be one of those women who complains about their husbands. So I believe in both parties having a fair share.
Discuss your expectations
Don’t wait until you are married. You need to know and understand what you want out of the marriage. Whether it is about children, career, where you want to live, where you want to be in the future etc. Don’t expect your partner to change for you and don’t be so stubborn that you refuse to compromise your expectations.
Everybody makes mistakes
In the end, you are both human and you make mistakes. It is up to you whether you can forgive and forget. If you feel that your relationship can continue then do so. However, if you feel like it is something that will always question your partnership then you need to decide whether it is worth staying or if you should move on. Living in a relationship filled with mistrust, betrayal, guilt and disappointment will only cause bitterness and disrespect towards your partner. Life is too short for that.
Don’t discuss your marital problems with friends of the opposite sex
A friend of mine discussed her marital problems with a male friend. He was a great listener and after a while was telling her that she was too good for her husband and that she should leave her husband for him. He wasn’t looking after her best interest. He was looking after his best interest. She asked me what she should do. I told her that she should deal with her marriage first. If she wants to be with her friend then she should end her marriage before moving on. Unfaithfulness is something that I have a hard time tolerating. If you have a marital problem, only you and your partner can resolve it. So talk to each other. Family and genuine friends can only listen however the decision is up to you and your partner.
Give each other space
This is something I really struggled with at the start of my marriage. It all came down to my inability to trust, my sense of security in my marriage and this was all from what I have observed and experienced growing up, it had nothing to do with my relationship. I just couldn’t understand why my husband would want to spend time with his friends or family. I thought “was I not enough?” But I grew out of that, it took time, but I know that sometimes I like to spend time with my friends. I like to spend time with my family. And my husband gave me the freedom to do that so I should have the courtesy to do that for him.
Respect
Respect each other and treat your partner the way you'd like to be treated. This means having respect for yourself and showing others how you deserve to be treated.
Do something that your partner enjoys even if you don't
I cannot swim to save my life. But my husband wanted to go on a diving trip out in Far North Queensland. I went along, not because it was something I'd enjoy doing, but because I knew it would be nice to share something that my husband enjoys. When I arrived, he had arranged it so that I'd go diving too. I was terrified but still went through with it, even though there were reef sharks everywhere and land was nowhere in sight. I spent the whole time having my hand held by a diving instructor but at least I got to experience what my husband enjoys and it wasn't a bad thing. In saying that, my husband has sat through a lot of Romantic Comedies and is always available as my dancing partner even though I know he'd prefer to relax at home with an action movie.
80/20 Rule
If you are happy 80% of the time and unhappy 20% of the time, then you are ok. However, if you are only happy 20% of the time and unhappy 80% of the time, you need to do something about your relationship. Because it is not working or as my husband says “you’ve got to bail”.
One of my favourite things at the end of a long day is when my husband offers to make me a cup of tea or coffee. We would sit together and talk or watch TV but it is the simple gesture that means so much.
Feel free to share your thoughts, tips and opinions...
Friday, May 14, 2010
Comparing Apples and Oranges
Growing up with a mum who had a large family I felt like I was constantly compared to my female cousins. They could cook, help their mums clean, sew and are the perfect daughters while I preferred to spend my time reading my novels, singing, playing my guitar and studying. My mum always tried to get me in the kitchen and cook with her, hoping I would pick up the simplest dishes only to find that I was disinterested or just didn’t perform the task to her satisfaction. To put it simply, I was just not a traditional daughter like my cousins and as years went by, it seems trying to mould me that way would be impossible. My dad would be my saviour, when he heard my mum start to get frustrated that I wasn’t ‘getting it’, he would come in the kitchen and tell her that she should not stress out. He told her that I will learn to cook eventually, when I needed to. Then he would tell me to go back to my room and study.
Good Enough For Me
During the first years of my marriage, I found myself struggling to cook a meal that I was satisfied with, and my husband had to show me how to iron a shirt. But my dad was right. I slowly learnt how to cook, and as I completed more household chores it was more about ‘practice makes perfect’. Sure, I still can’t cook some of the traditional meals that my mum makes however I learnt to cook different meals. Meals that my husband would compliment me on and that’s good enough for me.
Compared To Me
A few years ago, I caught up with one of my cousins. I consider her to be a fantastic wife and mum. Her cooking is delicious and she was like the Martha Stewart of the family. Needless to say, she was one of the cousins I was constantly compared to. We were discussing our time growing up and she brought up the fact that her parents would sometimes compare her to me. I was surprised. What was it that I did that she couldn’t already do? What was it that I had achieved that she hadn’t? She told me that they would compare my academic abilities to hers. I was in shock. Then I told her that I was also constantly compared to her, but for my lack of abilities in the kitchen and around the house. We laughed. Clearly there were no hard feelings. But I could see that she was as hurt by it all as I was.
Motivation by Comparison
Looking back, I think our parents thought by comparing us; they were really trying to motivate us to be better. However, it was a form of motivation that did not leave room for flexibility. It didn’t allow us to excel in the areas we were passionate about. It didn’t allow us to be ourselves.
For many years, those comparisons would often discourage me. But I didn’t let it get me down. I decided that I would do things for myself. I wanted to be proud of me and my abilities even though it didn’t fit into the traditional ideals of what a girl should be.
I am now at the stage where I am actually starting to enjoy cooking and I am doing it a lot more for my family. But I also make time for my other passions. And I want my children to do the same.
Lessons Learned
In every past experiences, there are good and bad. Out of the experience of being constantly compared, I have learnt that I would not do the same with my children. I believe our mums had only the best intentions for us. It took me a while but I can see now that she is, and has always been, proud of me. Thinking back, I would not be surprised if my mum had gone through the same comparisons when she was younger. Back in the days when a girl’s place was in the kitchen and her only requirement growing up was to be a good housewife. The generational gap has since changed all that however I believe it is good to have a balance.
Yes, I will teach, motivate and encourage my children to do everyday chores and what else life will require of them. However, I will not try to make them feel like they should be like someone else. I will be proud and show them that I am proud of their achievements, no matter how small it may be. I will encourage their potentials and expose them to experiences and opportunities which will make them explore their passions, ideas and individuality. I will not put them down or make them feel inadequate. But most of all, I will encourage them to talk to me when they doubt my support for them. A child should not be required to do something to be special. Being who they are should be special enough.
Good Enough For Me
During the first years of my marriage, I found myself struggling to cook a meal that I was satisfied with, and my husband had to show me how to iron a shirt. But my dad was right. I slowly learnt how to cook, and as I completed more household chores it was more about ‘practice makes perfect’. Sure, I still can’t cook some of the traditional meals that my mum makes however I learnt to cook different meals. Meals that my husband would compliment me on and that’s good enough for me.
Compared To Me
A few years ago, I caught up with one of my cousins. I consider her to be a fantastic wife and mum. Her cooking is delicious and she was like the Martha Stewart of the family. Needless to say, she was one of the cousins I was constantly compared to. We were discussing our time growing up and she brought up the fact that her parents would sometimes compare her to me. I was surprised. What was it that I did that she couldn’t already do? What was it that I had achieved that she hadn’t? She told me that they would compare my academic abilities to hers. I was in shock. Then I told her that I was also constantly compared to her, but for my lack of abilities in the kitchen and around the house. We laughed. Clearly there were no hard feelings. But I could see that she was as hurt by it all as I was.
Motivation by Comparison
Looking back, I think our parents thought by comparing us; they were really trying to motivate us to be better. However, it was a form of motivation that did not leave room for flexibility. It didn’t allow us to excel in the areas we were passionate about. It didn’t allow us to be ourselves.
For many years, those comparisons would often discourage me. But I didn’t let it get me down. I decided that I would do things for myself. I wanted to be proud of me and my abilities even though it didn’t fit into the traditional ideals of what a girl should be.
I am now at the stage where I am actually starting to enjoy cooking and I am doing it a lot more for my family. But I also make time for my other passions. And I want my children to do the same.
Lessons Learned
In every past experiences, there are good and bad. Out of the experience of being constantly compared, I have learnt that I would not do the same with my children. I believe our mums had only the best intentions for us. It took me a while but I can see now that she is, and has always been, proud of me. Thinking back, I would not be surprised if my mum had gone through the same comparisons when she was younger. Back in the days when a girl’s place was in the kitchen and her only requirement growing up was to be a good housewife. The generational gap has since changed all that however I believe it is good to have a balance.
Yes, I will teach, motivate and encourage my children to do everyday chores and what else life will require of them. However, I will not try to make them feel like they should be like someone else. I will be proud and show them that I am proud of their achievements, no matter how small it may be. I will encourage their potentials and expose them to experiences and opportunities which will make them explore their passions, ideas and individuality. I will not put them down or make them feel inadequate. But most of all, I will encourage them to talk to me when they doubt my support for them. A child should not be required to do something to be special. Being who they are should be special enough.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Love Vs Wealth
Wealth is Compulsory
My mum has a friend who was in love with a man. This man was also in love with her. He wanted to marry her and went to ask her father for his permission to ask her to marry him. Her father said no. He didn’t think this man was good enough for his daughter. Yes, this man had a job but it wasn’t a high paying job. Her father wanted someone who was wealthy, who had a house, who earned a very good living. Love was not regarded at all. It was clear that the prerequisite was money. The man was disappointed. He knew that he didn’t earn much but he would have given her the world. He would have worked hard to buy them a house. He would look after her and wanted to grow old with her. He dreamt of raising a family with her. She was the love of his life.
All Money, No Love
He asked her to marry him anyway; he knew that she was in love with him too. She argued with her parents, she wanted their approval. Her father refused to give it. Her mother begged her to break up with the man she loved. She decided that she had to respect her parents’ wishes even though she disagreed with them. She broke up with the man she loved. Suitors visited to ask her to marry them, they all satisfied her father’s prerequisite but she refused them all. They were all money, none were love.
His Wedding
A year later, her family received a wedding invitation. It was him. It was the man she loved. He was getting married. He had moved on and found someone else. Her parents attended. She couldn’t do it to herself. They told her it was a big wedding. The groom came to say hello to them. He asked them how she was doing. They found out from guests at the wedding that he was doing very well. He had promotions at work. He was earning a good salary. He bought a big house in a new estate. The bride was a very lucky girl. You know how people talk. She was heartbroken. How could she have let him get away? She should have had faith in him. She should have listened to her heart. How could she let the love of her life go, just like that, without a fight? She didn’t care about what he was now; she loved him for what he was before. But it was too late and she had to live with her decision. She resented her parents for years and they regretted their decision because she has refused to marry anyone who they thought was perfect for her.
Love Is Always Worth The Risk
Where does he work? How much does he make? Does he own any properties? What kind of car does he drive? These questions are still common. Not all parents worry about all these things however many still do. Sure, it can be justified by the fact that they just want their daughters to have a sense of security, that she will be provided for and will not have financial difficulties. However, without love, no relationship will be able to survive on wealth alone. Yeah, ok, love does not put food on the table and love does not pay the bills. And many women agree with this theory, they choose to leave the person they love and settle for someone they can grow to love because of this fear that they will have nothing. But there are those who chose to take the risk and work together with their partners. They encourage and support each other to get to a stage where they are content, happy and know that they have done the best they can to provide for their family. Don’t get me wrong, there are no guarantees; relationships can fail. However, I would rather fail at something I chose, than fail at something that was chosen for me. To me, love is always worth the risk.
My mum has a friend who was in love with a man. This man was also in love with her. He wanted to marry her and went to ask her father for his permission to ask her to marry him. Her father said no. He didn’t think this man was good enough for his daughter. Yes, this man had a job but it wasn’t a high paying job. Her father wanted someone who was wealthy, who had a house, who earned a very good living. Love was not regarded at all. It was clear that the prerequisite was money. The man was disappointed. He knew that he didn’t earn much but he would have given her the world. He would have worked hard to buy them a house. He would look after her and wanted to grow old with her. He dreamt of raising a family with her. She was the love of his life.
All Money, No Love
He asked her to marry him anyway; he knew that she was in love with him too. She argued with her parents, she wanted their approval. Her father refused to give it. Her mother begged her to break up with the man she loved. She decided that she had to respect her parents’ wishes even though she disagreed with them. She broke up with the man she loved. Suitors visited to ask her to marry them, they all satisfied her father’s prerequisite but she refused them all. They were all money, none were love.
His Wedding
A year later, her family received a wedding invitation. It was him. It was the man she loved. He was getting married. He had moved on and found someone else. Her parents attended. She couldn’t do it to herself. They told her it was a big wedding. The groom came to say hello to them. He asked them how she was doing. They found out from guests at the wedding that he was doing very well. He had promotions at work. He was earning a good salary. He bought a big house in a new estate. The bride was a very lucky girl. You know how people talk. She was heartbroken. How could she have let him get away? She should have had faith in him. She should have listened to her heart. How could she let the love of her life go, just like that, without a fight? She didn’t care about what he was now; she loved him for what he was before. But it was too late and she had to live with her decision. She resented her parents for years and they regretted their decision because she has refused to marry anyone who they thought was perfect for her.
Love Is Always Worth The Risk
Where does he work? How much does he make? Does he own any properties? What kind of car does he drive? These questions are still common. Not all parents worry about all these things however many still do. Sure, it can be justified by the fact that they just want their daughters to have a sense of security, that she will be provided for and will not have financial difficulties. However, without love, no relationship will be able to survive on wealth alone. Yeah, ok, love does not put food on the table and love does not pay the bills. And many women agree with this theory, they choose to leave the person they love and settle for someone they can grow to love because of this fear that they will have nothing. But there are those who chose to take the risk and work together with their partners. They encourage and support each other to get to a stage where they are content, happy and know that they have done the best they can to provide for their family. Don’t get me wrong, there are no guarantees; relationships can fail. However, I would rather fail at something I chose, than fail at something that was chosen for me. To me, love is always worth the risk.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The Not-So-Good Friend
The Good Friend Turn Not-So-Good
Before we started our relationship, my husband had planned to go on an overseas trip with his best friend. So after starting our relationship for a month, he began his trip. While he was away, he said that I should get to know his friends. One of them was his best friend’s ex-wife. He told me that, although she was no longer with his best friend, she was still a good friend and I should try to spend some time with her. I agreed and gave her a call. We met up for drinks after work and since she was renovating her apartment, I gave her a hand with a few small things and it was nice to get to know someone from my husband’s circle of friends. She had lots of stories to tell me about my husband and we had a few laughs and I thought of her as a good friend of his. One night, while she was driving me home, she asked me how my relationship with my husband, then boyfriend, was going. I told her that it was going fine, that although he was away, we kept in touch every night via ICQ and by phone. She then proceeded to tell me about my husband’s best friend, who was also her ex-husband, mostly negative things leading to why they divorced. What bothered me was when she started to tell me how similar my husband was to her ex-husband. That they would be sleeping with a lot of women while they were overseas and that my relationship would not last. She told me that my husband wouldn’t marry me and that he was just ‘using’ me. Of course, I told her that I disagreed.
Should I tell on her?
I was so disappointed about the conversation I had with my husband’s friend. I kept thinking that if she was as good a friend as my husband thought her to be, why would she say all those things about him? Shouldn’t she be telling me what a great guy he was and basically telling me more about the positives than the negatives? How much did my husband know about his friend and how would he react if I told him what happened? Would he think that I was making it up to sabotage his friendship with her or would he believe me?
Disappointed
When I got home, I logged onto the Internet and as usual, my husband was waiting for me on ICQ. He was happy to hear that I had spent some time with his friend. As much as I didn’t want to discuss what had happened, I knew that I had to; I needed to tell him the truth about his friend and what she thought of him. So I did. I told him about the conversation, word for word. He was shocked of course; he told me that he didn’t understand why she would say those things about him. I told him that I was too. I only started spending time with her because I thought she was a good friend of his. To me, a good friend would not say such things about you and definitely would not try to get your partner thinking that you are cheating on them or that you are ‘using’ them. Needless to say, I didn’t spend anymore time with her. I didn’t need the negativity and have someone trying to make me doubt the trust I have in my husband.
True Colours
When my husband came back from overseas, he saw his friend a few times and found that she was really not a good friend after all. She only called when she needed something and started saying negative things about our relationship. My husband told me that she seemed jealous of what we have because things didn’t work out with her relationship. He then decided to stop seeing her and is no longer in contact with her.
Worthy to be a Friend
Sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between good friends and not-so-good friends. Good friends would not put you down, they don’t sabotage your relationships and they certainly don’t call you just when they need something. Good friends are supportive, encouraging, they look out for your best interest, they call just because they want to know how you are going and you should be able to trust them 100%. Sometimes, it is difficult to see that a person who you’ve always thought is a good friend is really not. It can take a person from the outside looking in to see that someone is not who they seem to be. However, in the end, it is up to you to pay attention and decide whether this friend is positively contributing to your life or if they are really bringing you down. Life is too short to have not-so-good friends around. So get rid of them and make room for people who are worthy to be called “a friend”.
Before we started our relationship, my husband had planned to go on an overseas trip with his best friend. So after starting our relationship for a month, he began his trip. While he was away, he said that I should get to know his friends. One of them was his best friend’s ex-wife. He told me that, although she was no longer with his best friend, she was still a good friend and I should try to spend some time with her. I agreed and gave her a call. We met up for drinks after work and since she was renovating her apartment, I gave her a hand with a few small things and it was nice to get to know someone from my husband’s circle of friends. She had lots of stories to tell me about my husband and we had a few laughs and I thought of her as a good friend of his. One night, while she was driving me home, she asked me how my relationship with my husband, then boyfriend, was going. I told her that it was going fine, that although he was away, we kept in touch every night via ICQ and by phone. She then proceeded to tell me about my husband’s best friend, who was also her ex-husband, mostly negative things leading to why they divorced. What bothered me was when she started to tell me how similar my husband was to her ex-husband. That they would be sleeping with a lot of women while they were overseas and that my relationship would not last. She told me that my husband wouldn’t marry me and that he was just ‘using’ me. Of course, I told her that I disagreed.
Should I tell on her?
I was so disappointed about the conversation I had with my husband’s friend. I kept thinking that if she was as good a friend as my husband thought her to be, why would she say all those things about him? Shouldn’t she be telling me what a great guy he was and basically telling me more about the positives than the negatives? How much did my husband know about his friend and how would he react if I told him what happened? Would he think that I was making it up to sabotage his friendship with her or would he believe me?
Disappointed
When I got home, I logged onto the Internet and as usual, my husband was waiting for me on ICQ. He was happy to hear that I had spent some time with his friend. As much as I didn’t want to discuss what had happened, I knew that I had to; I needed to tell him the truth about his friend and what she thought of him. So I did. I told him about the conversation, word for word. He was shocked of course; he told me that he didn’t understand why she would say those things about him. I told him that I was too. I only started spending time with her because I thought she was a good friend of his. To me, a good friend would not say such things about you and definitely would not try to get your partner thinking that you are cheating on them or that you are ‘using’ them. Needless to say, I didn’t spend anymore time with her. I didn’t need the negativity and have someone trying to make me doubt the trust I have in my husband.
True Colours
When my husband came back from overseas, he saw his friend a few times and found that she was really not a good friend after all. She only called when she needed something and started saying negative things about our relationship. My husband told me that she seemed jealous of what we have because things didn’t work out with her relationship. He then decided to stop seeing her and is no longer in contact with her.
Worthy to be a Friend
Sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between good friends and not-so-good friends. Good friends would not put you down, they don’t sabotage your relationships and they certainly don’t call you just when they need something. Good friends are supportive, encouraging, they look out for your best interest, they call just because they want to know how you are going and you should be able to trust them 100%. Sometimes, it is difficult to see that a person who you’ve always thought is a good friend is really not. It can take a person from the outside looking in to see that someone is not who they seem to be. However, in the end, it is up to you to pay attention and decide whether this friend is positively contributing to your life or if they are really bringing you down. Life is too short to have not-so-good friends around. So get rid of them and make room for people who are worthy to be called “a friend”.
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