The Not-So-Good Friend

The Good Friend Turn Not-So-Good

Before we started our relationship, my husband had planned to go on an overseas trip with his best friend. So after starting our relationship for a month, he began his trip. While he was away, he said that I should get to know his friends. One of them was his best friend’s ex-wife. He told me that, although she was no longer with his best friend, she was still a good friend and I should try to spend some time with her. I agreed and gave her a call. We met up for drinks after work and since she was renovating her apartment, I gave her a hand with a few small things and it was nice to get to know someone from my husband’s circle of friends. She had lots of stories to tell me about my husband and we had a few laughs and I thought of her as a good friend of his. One night, while she was driving me home, she asked me how my relationship with my husband, then boyfriend, was going. I told her that it was going fine, that although he was away, we kept in touch every night via ICQ and by phone. She then proceeded to tell me about my husband’s best friend, who was also her ex-husband, mostly negative things leading to why they divorced. What bothered me was when she started to tell me how similar my husband was to her ex-husband. That they would be sleeping with a lot of women while they were overseas and that my relationship would not last. She told me that my husband wouldn’t marry me and that he was just ‘using’ me. Of course, I told her that I disagreed.

Should I tell on her?

I was so disappointed about the conversation I had with my husband’s friend. I kept thinking that if she was as good a friend as my husband thought her to be, why would she say all those things about him? Shouldn’t she be telling me what a great guy he was and basically telling me more about the positives than the negatives? How much did my husband know about his friend and how would he react if I told him what happened? Would he think that I was making it up to sabotage his friendship with her or would he believe me?

Disappointed

When I got home, I logged onto the Internet and as usual, my husband was waiting for me on ICQ. He was happy to hear that I had spent some time with his friend. As much as I didn’t want to discuss what had happened, I knew that I had to; I needed to tell him the truth about his friend and what she thought of him. So I did. I told him about the conversation, word for word. He was shocked of course; he told me that he didn’t understand why she would say those things about him. I told him that I was too. I only started spending time with her because I thought she was a good friend of his. To me, a good friend would not say such things about you and definitely would not try to get your partner thinking that you are cheating on them or that you are ‘using’ them. Needless to say, I didn’t spend anymore time with her. I didn’t need the negativity and have someone trying to make me doubt the trust I have in my husband.

True Colours

When my husband came back from overseas, he saw his friend a few times and found that she was really not a good friend after all. She only called when she needed something and started saying negative things about our relationship. My husband told me that she seemed jealous of what we have because things didn’t work out with her relationship. He then decided to stop seeing her and is no longer in contact with her.

Worthy to be a Friend

Sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between good friends and not-so-good friends. Good friends would not put you down, they don’t sabotage your relationships and they certainly don’t call you just when they need something. Good friends are supportive, encouraging, they look out for your best interest, they call just because they want to know how you are going and you should be able to trust them 100%. Sometimes, it is difficult to see that a person who you’ve always thought is a good friend is really not. It can take a person from the outside looking in to see that someone is not who they seem to be. However, in the end, it is up to you to pay attention and decide whether this friend is positively contributing to your life or if they are really bringing you down. Life is too short to have not-so-good friends around. So get rid of them and make room for people who are worthy to be called “a friend”.