Inter-racially Mixed

Choice

My father is Indonesian and my mother is East Timorese and Chinese. My husband’s father is Maltese and his mother is Australian (British heritage). So you can say that I have an inter-racial marriage. It was a choice I made when I was around 15 years old. I wanted something different; I wanted to understand a different culture and traditions. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against the men of my own race however; I never saw them as someone I’d like to have a relationship with.

Assumptions

It is becoming very common to see more and more inter-racial couples in Melbourne. I remember it to be a rare occurrence growing up. I remember walking down Chapel Street with my cousin and we saw a gorgeous Asian woman walking with a Western man, who looked like he was around 30 years older than her, holding hands. We thought it was really unusual and made a joke that she was probably using him for something, it wasn’t very nice but unfortunately that is the regular assumption with inter-racial couples at the time with such an age gap. It might be true or they might really be in love. Nevertheless, it is something that goes through people’s minds. Little did I know, but when I married my husband, I would be a victim of such assumption too.

Not one of “those” couples

When I had just got married, a lady at work came and congratulated me then asked me what nationality my husband was, since I had changed my surname to Grech. I told her that he is Maltese/Australian. She then proceeded to ask me whether he was much older than me which I found a little inappropriate but told her that he was around 30 years older than me. She nodded as if she was expecting the answer then asked if I had a photo. So I showed her a photo of us and told her that I was joking and that my husband is only 4 years older than me. She looked surprised then asked where we met. Then I asked her why she asked whether my husband was much older than me. She told me that usually, when she sees inter-racial couples, there would be a big age gap. But she then winked and said “I guess you’re not one of those couples”. I did not ask for clarification, I didn’t think it was worth it.

Citizenship

My husband and I were having lunch with his best friend and his best friend’s girlfriend at the time. They were also an inter-racial couple. He was Russian and his girlfriend was Korean. We were discussing our plans to go overseas and my husband was saying how happy he was that I can now get my Australian passport and we can finally travel overseas. His best friend’s girlfriend suddenly asked “Did you get married so that you can get your citizenship and travel?” I was shocked that she would ask such a question and was relieved when my husband answered “No, we got married because we love each other and she would have got her citizenship even if we didn’t get married”. Let’s just say, that question made lunch a little awkward.

Compared to what?

My friend once asked me “What’s it like to be married to a Western man?”

“Compared to what?” I asked her.

“Compared to being married to an Asian man”, she answered.

“I don’t know. What’s it like being married to an Asian man? I haven’t married an Asian man before so it’s difficult to compare”, I replied.

My friend laughed. She was not the first person to ask me that question but I still feel like I cannot answer it. All I said was that Western men are still men nonetheless so there wouldn’t be much difference besides cultural differences.

3 colour ice

There is now a new generation of inter-racial couples in Australia. They are of similar age, both were born, educated and grew up here, and they are together by choice not because they are one of “those” couples who are together out of necessity.

My husband, his cousins, their partners, our son and I went out to lunch. We went to our favourite Vietnamese noodle restaurant. As they arranged some tables and chairs to accommodate us, I realised that all of the women are Asian and all the men (my husband and his cousins) are Australian and Maltese. My son sat at the head of table, he is a combination of both sides and he did not see colour or race, he was just enjoying his 3 colour ice surrounded by the people he calls his family.