The Scary Cancer Scare - Part 2

Something to Look Forward To

I went to see the doctor. She explained to me again about the biopsy. I cried again. She wanted to know why I was so upset. I told her that the thought of a big needle going into my breast was overwhelming. I told her that I was dreading the result if it was bad news. She told me that she understood. But that I should stay positive, that it would pass soon enough and if it is cancer, it’s better that I know sooner than later. The day I made an appointment for the biopsy I also made plans to do something on the day of the biopsy. Since we had Gold Class Tickets, I told my husband that I will get my Mum to baby-sit our son so that we can both go and see Sex and The City – The Movie. I wanted to look forward to something that day; I didn’t want it to be the day I got the biopsy. My husband said it was a good idea.

The Dreaded Biopsy

My husband arrived shortly after I did at The Alfred that day. I asked him to come along and be there with me. I was soon called in and after getting changed, I was led into the same room where I had the first ultrasound. The doctor then came in. She explained that she will be taking 2-3 samples, depending on how satisfied she is with the amount. She then injected my breast in several places with the anaesthetic. After she was sure that it was numb, she showed me the needle that would be used for the biopsy. It was a long needle that looked like a tube with a sharp end and it was connected to a button. She explained that she will count to three before pressing the button so that I can be prepared for the loud click. I braced myself for the first shot at getting the sample. The doctor inserted the needle into my breast and moved it around while she was looking at the ultrasound so she could insert it into the lump. It was such a weird feeling, the pressure of the needle moving around chasing a moving lump. She counted and I squeezed my husband’s hand. However, when she pressed the button, the clicking was so loud; I jumped and gave everyone a fright. I apologised. She took the first sample out, then said she will take a second one just incase. So again, the needle was inserted and this time I didn’t jump when she pressed the button. I breathed a sigh of relief until she said that she wanted to try for the last time to get a better sample. Apparently the lump kept moving and it wasn’t that easy. So again, the needle was inserted but this time, when she pressed the trigger, I felt an excruciating pain. It was so painful, I started crying and she asked me whether I was ok. I told her that I felt extreme pain. She apologised and said that she didn’t put the anaesthetic that deep but didn’t have time to stop as she had a good chance of getting a better sample. I was upset but didn’t want to show it. I thought, at least it was over and done with and I can now leave.

Life is Too Short

Before we left for the movie, I told my Mum about the biopsy. No one, besides my husband, my pastor and his wife, knew about the lump. I showed my Mum where they did the biopsy. They had placed clear bandage over the area and it was still bleeding. I could see that my Mum was upset that I had to go through this. I told her not to worry as I didn’t know anything at this stage. I then left to see the movie.
The movie was what I needed to take my mind off things. My husband told me to order what I like in the cinema so I decided to indulge. Life is too short to hesitate.

Back to Square One

I had just arrived at the childcare centre to pick up my son, when my phone rang. It was Felicity, the doctor. She was calling about the biopsy results. I felt like I was holding my breath while I was listening to her.
“Jelvie, I’m sorry to tell you this, I know how upset you were about the biopsy and I was sure we would get a result”, she said
“Oh, you haven’t received the results yet?” I asked.
“They did send me the results; however they said that it is inconclusive. They weren’t able to tell from all three samples whether it is just a lump or if it contains cancer cells”, she replied.
I was speechless. “Does that mean I have to do the biopsy again? I mean, how many samples did they need, they took three samples and the last one was painful because they didn’t put the anaesthetic deep enough”, I said. I was not happy.
“I’m sorry to hear that but let’s just discuss this when you come and see me, but just remember at this stage, we don’t know what it is yet”, she responded, trying to sound positive.
I called my husband to tell him. He was not happy. He was frustrated for me. His exact words were “What the f*ck did they do the biopsy for? All that pain you had to go through, I can’t believe it was for nothing”. We don't make a habit of swearing so the fact that he did told me that he was upset. We were back at square one.

What Next?

I went back to see the doctor again. She asked me if I wanted to do the biopsy again. I asked her what my other options were. She told me that I can either get the lump taken out which would involve surgery or I could go and see a specialist to check the lump again. The only thing with the specialist is that it would cost me around $400 per visit including her fees and any ultrasounds I needed to have. I told her that I wanted to see the specialist; I wanted a second opinion before I decide whether I should remove the lump altogether. The doctor referred me to a Breast Cancer Clinic in East Melbourne. I made an appointment soon after that. Through all this time, I was functioning as normal however so many things played in my head. I worried constantly. Thinking about the whole situation would make me cry. My husband and parents supported me through it all. My pastor and his wife prayed for me. It was all of them and my son who carried me through it. I thought, I'm going through all this now, imagine what a mess I'd be if I actually find out I had cancer.

The Specialist

The Breast Cancer Clinic was a very nice place. I waited in the waiting room and made myself a coffee which was provided. As I waited, I saw women walking in and out of the elevator. Some were young and some were older. Some with their partners, family members and their kids and some were alone. I could see that some of them were wearing hair pieces. Some wore scarves on their heads. Some had sunglasses on but were wiping tears off their faces. Were they crying because their treatment was not working? Were they crying because they only have a certain amount of time left to live? Were they crying because it was just too much for them to take? Their support person was rubbing their back, trying to make them feel better. It was a very sad situation. I prayed silently that I wouldn’t have to go through what they were going through. I prayed for them too. My name was then called and I had an ultrasound. Then the specialist came in. She was British, the specialist, she had a lovely accent. She then measured the lump and called out to her assistant who was typing it all in her computer. She checked for other lumps and measured them too. Finally she discussed the ultrasound with me. She said it looks like it was just a lump. No signs of breast cancer. But she told me that she wanted me to come back for a review in 3 months so she can check it again to make sure. I was so relieved.

Thank God for My Thick and Wavy Hair

When I left the Breast Cancer Clinic, I remember walking down to the tram stop and thanking God for my hair. I’ve always wished for straight hair because my hair was thick and wavy. But seeing all those women in there with no hair or losing their hair, I realised that I should be happy with my hair. I should enjoy it and not take it for granted, just as I shouldn’t take everything else for granted because life is too short.

Never Take Life For Granted

I went back to see the specialist again a few times after my first appointment. My last review took place when I was a month pregnant with my second child. I wanted to make sure I had the all clear. I kept thinking about women with cancer who had to get treatment after their baby was born and they couldn't go home with their babies. The specialist told me that it was fine but I should see her if I felt any pain. I was relieved that it was just a lump but was aware that it did not mean cancer was off the table. I remember wishing that I had gone to see the specialist from the beginning. Maybe then I wouldn’t have required a biopsy. But all the experience I went through showed me that sometimes we just have to surrender and deal with situations that are not ideal but cannot be avoided. Even though I didn’t have cancer, I realised that people with cancer did not just have to deal with physical pain. They also have to deal with emotional pain that was so intense that if they didn’t have people to support them or something to look forward to in life; they would find it easy to give up. I am glad I have people around me who care for me and pray for me. And every time I get the chance, I would always tell my sons that I love them and shower them with hugs and kisses. This cancer scare was enough reason for me to appreciate the little things in life and to give thanks for all that I am blessed with.