I was required to attend a meeting in our Head Office one day which was located around 30 minutes from my office. I was going to drive myself however one of my colleagues offered to give me a lift as he was required to attend the same meeting. Unfortunately, when the meeting was over, he was required to attend another meeting therefore had to stay back and was unable to give me a lift back to our office, so I was required to take a taxi back. The receptionist called a taxi for me and I was soon on my way back, or so I thought.
The first thing that made me uncomfortable was that the taxi driver kept making calls and answering calls on his mobile phone, not using the hands-free, and he didn’t go the route I would have gone. It felt like he was on his way somewhere else. Whilst on the phone, he also kept saying that he was going to be somewhere in 10 minutes and I knew the trip would take longer than that. In between calls, he made small talk and kept talking about his family back home. He kept saying how much he missed them and how difficult it has been for him to settle in Melbourne. He said he felt lonely and sometimes depressed.
Around 10 minutes later, we were on the Princes Highway and he suddenly turned into a Hungry Jacks carpark and casually said “I will just be a few minutes, my friends are waiting for me”. What was I supposed to say to that? I remember thinking that I needed to get out of this taxi. But then I saw two men waiting at the carpark, leaning against a car. The taxi stopped and the driver started speaking to both men. They were speaking in their language so I couldn’t understand what they were saying. Then one of the men gave the driver a thick roll of cash and another one passed him a backpack. The backpack was passed on to him very slowly and was lying flat. He placed the backpack carefully on the passenger seat; I was sitting at the back. I wanted to get out then and there but couldn’t see anyone else around and was worried that the driver and his two friends would do something to me. I thought that maybe I was being paranoid but what if my instincts were right?
So I stayed in and started to think about what I would do. I couldn’t help thinking about what was in the bag. Why did they give him all that cash? Why were they so careful with the bag? Why is the bag lying flat like that? Usually backpacks are placed standing up. I didn’t want to think of the worst but I remember praying that I would see my family again and asking God for direction. They spoke a little more, everything probably took around 5 minutes but it felt very slow, then the driver took off and we were soon back on the highway.
I then saw Chadstone, a shopping centre, up ahead and all of a sudden said “Oh, is that Chadstone up ahead?”
The driver said “Yes, it is”.
“Sorry about this but would it be possible for you to just drop me off at Chadstone?” I asked him, “I actually have a contract for the Myer store manager and he said that I should drop them off if I am in the area, I didn’t realise we were going past”. I prayed that he would turn into the carpark, please God…let him turn into the carpark.
He said “So, you don’t want to go back to the city?”
“No…I should really give him this contract, my manager wants him to sign it as soon as possible”, I told him. He then turned into the carpark and stopped. He then asked if I wanted him to wait for me. I told him that I was unsure how long it would take so it was best that he didn’t wait for me. I offered to pay him the full fare but he only charged me for the short trip. I thanked him and left the taxi with a sigh of relief.
I made my way back to the office on a different taxi, no extra stop-over and the driver made me feel comfortable. I then made a complaint through the taxi’s website. It was an awful experience and whether I was over-reacting or not, I didn’t feel safe and did not have peace of mind whilst I was in that taxi. I never found out what was in the bag or what that stop-over was all about. But I was glad that I was no longer a part of it. I wish we lived in a world where we didn’t have to be threatened by these matters. Unfortunately we have seen too much and know too much to realise that sometimes it is better to be safe than sorry.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
After Saying “I Do”
A reader has requested some tips for marriage after reading my post “Too Young for Marriage…”
I’d like to make it clear that I am not a marriage expert or qualified in the practice of giving advice, so all I can write about is what I have experienced in my 7 years of marriage and what I have observed around me. My marriage is not perfect, but no marriage is. Please be aware that all marriages are different as they include two individuals with different personalities, values and beliefs. However, to me, keeping to these general tips tend to help with the challenges that comes with being married.
Always put each other as first priority
Your relationship should come first. In every decision you make, you should ask yourself whether it will benefit your relationship or whether it will cause problems. This is not as easy as it sounds because sometimes this will involve family and friends and the outcome may cause you to be unpopular for a while but just remember, if they care about you, they will respect your decision and will be there for you anyway.
Be trustworthy and trust each other
Trust is not only about not lying to each other but it’s also about trusting that:
• You are safe with your partner
• You will not be hurt emotionally or physically
• You will not be neglected, your emotional and physical needs will be met
• You will be included in all decisions
• You have nothing to hide from each other, there are no surprises
• You will support each other no matter what
Communicate
Listen to what your partner has to say. Sometimes this means simply “to listen” and let them talk. It is also about saying exactly what you mean. If you want to get something off your chest then do it. Don’t say everything is ok and then get frustrated that your partner cannot read your mind.
Raise issues as you see them
If something is bothering you about your partner and you think it is something that should be addressed, then you should discuss it as soon as possible. Don’t put it off and stew about it until you explode. You will find that there may be a good explanation for why something is happening but you won’t find out until you discuss it.
Have disagreements
It is ok not to agree all the time but it is important to accept that about each other and compromise. You are both individuals so you can’t expect to be the same person. But if you disagree, argue about the issue and nothing else. I would be worried if I was in a relationship where there are no arguments. To me, that equates to no communication.
Pick your fights
My husband and I used to argue about the smallest things. What I said, what he said, what I should have done, what he was supposed to do, who’s going to take the rubbish out, who’s turn is it to cook. But you will find that as you move forward, life throws a lot of challenges at you and you will discover that all those little things you used to spend days arguing about and giving each other silent treatments for are nothing compared to what’s coming. It could be illness, loss of a loved one, financial hardships etc. That’s when you need each other and arguing is no longer relevant.
Be the best of “you” that you can be
This is not about your partner so much as it is about you. I believe that if you are the best version of you mentally and physically, you will be a happier person and a happier partner. This will in turn encourage your partner to do the same. It is about motivating each other in a positive way.
Make sure you can laugh together
Laughter is the best medicine. There is nothing like the joy of laughing together. Whether it is at each other’s expense or not, it’s always nice to be able to share funny moments.
Share the boring tasks
Let’s face it, unless you are fortunate enough to have a housekeeper and chef, you will need to do the boring tasks at home. It is important that you can rely on each other to share these tasks. They should not be limited to just one person to do. Growing up, all I hear are the women in my family complaining that in addition to working and taking care of the children, they also have to do everything in the house. I didn’t want to be one of those women who complains about their husbands. So I believe in both parties having a fair share.
Discuss your expectations
Don’t wait until you are married. You need to know and understand what you want out of the marriage. Whether it is about children, career, where you want to live, where you want to be in the future etc. Don’t expect your partner to change for you and don’t be so stubborn that you refuse to compromise your expectations.
Everybody makes mistakes
In the end, you are both human and you make mistakes. It is up to you whether you can forgive and forget. If you feel that your relationship can continue then do so. However, if you feel like it is something that will always question your partnership then you need to decide whether it is worth staying or if you should move on. Living in a relationship filled with mistrust, betrayal, guilt and disappointment will only cause bitterness and disrespect towards your partner. Life is too short for that.
Don’t discuss your marital problems with friends of the opposite sex
A friend of mine discussed her marital problems with a male friend. He was a great listener and after a while was telling her that she was too good for her husband and that she should leave her husband for him. He wasn’t looking after her best interest. He was looking after his best interest. She asked me what she should do. I told her that she should deal with her marriage first. If she wants to be with her friend then she should end her marriage before moving on. Unfaithfulness is something that I have a hard time tolerating. If you have a marital problem, only you and your partner can resolve it. So talk to each other. Family and genuine friends can only listen however the decision is up to you and your partner.
Give each other space
This is something I really struggled with at the start of my marriage. It all came down to my inability to trust, my sense of security in my marriage and this was all from what I have observed and experienced growing up, it had nothing to do with my relationship. I just couldn’t understand why my husband would want to spend time with his friends or family. I thought “was I not enough?” But I grew out of that, it took time, but I know that sometimes I like to spend time with my friends. I like to spend time with my family. And my husband gave me the freedom to do that so I should have the courtesy to do that for him.
Respect
Respect each other and treat your partner the way you'd like to be treated. This means having respect for yourself and showing others how you deserve to be treated.
Do something that your partner enjoys even if you don't
I cannot swim to save my life. But my husband wanted to go on a diving trip out in Far North Queensland. I went along, not because it was something I'd enjoy doing, but because I knew it would be nice to share something that my husband enjoys. When I arrived, he had arranged it so that I'd go diving too. I was terrified but still went through with it, even though there were reef sharks everywhere and land was nowhere in sight. I spent the whole time having my hand held by a diving instructor but at least I got to experience what my husband enjoys and it wasn't a bad thing. In saying that, my husband has sat through a lot of Romantic Comedies and is always available as my dancing partner even though I know he'd prefer to relax at home with an action movie.
80/20 Rule
If you are happy 80% of the time and unhappy 20% of the time, then you are ok. However, if you are only happy 20% of the time and unhappy 80% of the time, you need to do something about your relationship. Because it is not working or as my husband says “you’ve got to bail”.
One of my favourite things at the end of a long day is when my husband offers to make me a cup of tea or coffee. We would sit together and talk or watch TV but it is the simple gesture that means so much.
Feel free to share your thoughts, tips and opinions...
I’d like to make it clear that I am not a marriage expert or qualified in the practice of giving advice, so all I can write about is what I have experienced in my 7 years of marriage and what I have observed around me. My marriage is not perfect, but no marriage is. Please be aware that all marriages are different as they include two individuals with different personalities, values and beliefs. However, to me, keeping to these general tips tend to help with the challenges that comes with being married.
Always put each other as first priority
Your relationship should come first. In every decision you make, you should ask yourself whether it will benefit your relationship or whether it will cause problems. This is not as easy as it sounds because sometimes this will involve family and friends and the outcome may cause you to be unpopular for a while but just remember, if they care about you, they will respect your decision and will be there for you anyway.
Be trustworthy and trust each other
Trust is not only about not lying to each other but it’s also about trusting that:
• You are safe with your partner
• You will not be hurt emotionally or physically
• You will not be neglected, your emotional and physical needs will be met
• You will be included in all decisions
• You have nothing to hide from each other, there are no surprises
• You will support each other no matter what
Communicate
Listen to what your partner has to say. Sometimes this means simply “to listen” and let them talk. It is also about saying exactly what you mean. If you want to get something off your chest then do it. Don’t say everything is ok and then get frustrated that your partner cannot read your mind.
Raise issues as you see them
If something is bothering you about your partner and you think it is something that should be addressed, then you should discuss it as soon as possible. Don’t put it off and stew about it until you explode. You will find that there may be a good explanation for why something is happening but you won’t find out until you discuss it.
Have disagreements
It is ok not to agree all the time but it is important to accept that about each other and compromise. You are both individuals so you can’t expect to be the same person. But if you disagree, argue about the issue and nothing else. I would be worried if I was in a relationship where there are no arguments. To me, that equates to no communication.
Pick your fights
My husband and I used to argue about the smallest things. What I said, what he said, what I should have done, what he was supposed to do, who’s going to take the rubbish out, who’s turn is it to cook. But you will find that as you move forward, life throws a lot of challenges at you and you will discover that all those little things you used to spend days arguing about and giving each other silent treatments for are nothing compared to what’s coming. It could be illness, loss of a loved one, financial hardships etc. That’s when you need each other and arguing is no longer relevant.
Be the best of “you” that you can be
This is not about your partner so much as it is about you. I believe that if you are the best version of you mentally and physically, you will be a happier person and a happier partner. This will in turn encourage your partner to do the same. It is about motivating each other in a positive way.
Make sure you can laugh together
Laughter is the best medicine. There is nothing like the joy of laughing together. Whether it is at each other’s expense or not, it’s always nice to be able to share funny moments.
Share the boring tasks
Let’s face it, unless you are fortunate enough to have a housekeeper and chef, you will need to do the boring tasks at home. It is important that you can rely on each other to share these tasks. They should not be limited to just one person to do. Growing up, all I hear are the women in my family complaining that in addition to working and taking care of the children, they also have to do everything in the house. I didn’t want to be one of those women who complains about their husbands. So I believe in both parties having a fair share.
Discuss your expectations
Don’t wait until you are married. You need to know and understand what you want out of the marriage. Whether it is about children, career, where you want to live, where you want to be in the future etc. Don’t expect your partner to change for you and don’t be so stubborn that you refuse to compromise your expectations.
Everybody makes mistakes
In the end, you are both human and you make mistakes. It is up to you whether you can forgive and forget. If you feel that your relationship can continue then do so. However, if you feel like it is something that will always question your partnership then you need to decide whether it is worth staying or if you should move on. Living in a relationship filled with mistrust, betrayal, guilt and disappointment will only cause bitterness and disrespect towards your partner. Life is too short for that.
Don’t discuss your marital problems with friends of the opposite sex
A friend of mine discussed her marital problems with a male friend. He was a great listener and after a while was telling her that she was too good for her husband and that she should leave her husband for him. He wasn’t looking after her best interest. He was looking after his best interest. She asked me what she should do. I told her that she should deal with her marriage first. If she wants to be with her friend then she should end her marriage before moving on. Unfaithfulness is something that I have a hard time tolerating. If you have a marital problem, only you and your partner can resolve it. So talk to each other. Family and genuine friends can only listen however the decision is up to you and your partner.
Give each other space
This is something I really struggled with at the start of my marriage. It all came down to my inability to trust, my sense of security in my marriage and this was all from what I have observed and experienced growing up, it had nothing to do with my relationship. I just couldn’t understand why my husband would want to spend time with his friends or family. I thought “was I not enough?” But I grew out of that, it took time, but I know that sometimes I like to spend time with my friends. I like to spend time with my family. And my husband gave me the freedom to do that so I should have the courtesy to do that for him.
Respect
Respect each other and treat your partner the way you'd like to be treated. This means having respect for yourself and showing others how you deserve to be treated.
Do something that your partner enjoys even if you don't
I cannot swim to save my life. But my husband wanted to go on a diving trip out in Far North Queensland. I went along, not because it was something I'd enjoy doing, but because I knew it would be nice to share something that my husband enjoys. When I arrived, he had arranged it so that I'd go diving too. I was terrified but still went through with it, even though there were reef sharks everywhere and land was nowhere in sight. I spent the whole time having my hand held by a diving instructor but at least I got to experience what my husband enjoys and it wasn't a bad thing. In saying that, my husband has sat through a lot of Romantic Comedies and is always available as my dancing partner even though I know he'd prefer to relax at home with an action movie.
80/20 Rule
If you are happy 80% of the time and unhappy 20% of the time, then you are ok. However, if you are only happy 20% of the time and unhappy 80% of the time, you need to do something about your relationship. Because it is not working or as my husband says “you’ve got to bail”.
One of my favourite things at the end of a long day is when my husband offers to make me a cup of tea or coffee. We would sit together and talk or watch TV but it is the simple gesture that means so much.
Feel free to share your thoughts, tips and opinions...
Friday, May 14, 2010
Comparing Apples and Oranges
Growing up with a mum who had a large family I felt like I was constantly compared to my female cousins. They could cook, help their mums clean, sew and are the perfect daughters while I preferred to spend my time reading my novels, singing, playing my guitar and studying. My mum always tried to get me in the kitchen and cook with her, hoping I would pick up the simplest dishes only to find that I was disinterested or just didn’t perform the task to her satisfaction. To put it simply, I was just not a traditional daughter like my cousins and as years went by, it seems trying to mould me that way would be impossible. My dad would be my saviour, when he heard my mum start to get frustrated that I wasn’t ‘getting it’, he would come in the kitchen and tell her that she should not stress out. He told her that I will learn to cook eventually, when I needed to. Then he would tell me to go back to my room and study.
Good Enough For Me
During the first years of my marriage, I found myself struggling to cook a meal that I was satisfied with, and my husband had to show me how to iron a shirt. But my dad was right. I slowly learnt how to cook, and as I completed more household chores it was more about ‘practice makes perfect’. Sure, I still can’t cook some of the traditional meals that my mum makes however I learnt to cook different meals. Meals that my husband would compliment me on and that’s good enough for me.
Compared To Me
A few years ago, I caught up with one of my cousins. I consider her to be a fantastic wife and mum. Her cooking is delicious and she was like the Martha Stewart of the family. Needless to say, she was one of the cousins I was constantly compared to. We were discussing our time growing up and she brought up the fact that her parents would sometimes compare her to me. I was surprised. What was it that I did that she couldn’t already do? What was it that I had achieved that she hadn’t? She told me that they would compare my academic abilities to hers. I was in shock. Then I told her that I was also constantly compared to her, but for my lack of abilities in the kitchen and around the house. We laughed. Clearly there were no hard feelings. But I could see that she was as hurt by it all as I was.
Motivation by Comparison
Looking back, I think our parents thought by comparing us; they were really trying to motivate us to be better. However, it was a form of motivation that did not leave room for flexibility. It didn’t allow us to excel in the areas we were passionate about. It didn’t allow us to be ourselves.
For many years, those comparisons would often discourage me. But I didn’t let it get me down. I decided that I would do things for myself. I wanted to be proud of me and my abilities even though it didn’t fit into the traditional ideals of what a girl should be.
I am now at the stage where I am actually starting to enjoy cooking and I am doing it a lot more for my family. But I also make time for my other passions. And I want my children to do the same.
Lessons Learned
In every past experiences, there are good and bad. Out of the experience of being constantly compared, I have learnt that I would not do the same with my children. I believe our mums had only the best intentions for us. It took me a while but I can see now that she is, and has always been, proud of me. Thinking back, I would not be surprised if my mum had gone through the same comparisons when she was younger. Back in the days when a girl’s place was in the kitchen and her only requirement growing up was to be a good housewife. The generational gap has since changed all that however I believe it is good to have a balance.
Yes, I will teach, motivate and encourage my children to do everyday chores and what else life will require of them. However, I will not try to make them feel like they should be like someone else. I will be proud and show them that I am proud of their achievements, no matter how small it may be. I will encourage their potentials and expose them to experiences and opportunities which will make them explore their passions, ideas and individuality. I will not put them down or make them feel inadequate. But most of all, I will encourage them to talk to me when they doubt my support for them. A child should not be required to do something to be special. Being who they are should be special enough.
Good Enough For Me
During the first years of my marriage, I found myself struggling to cook a meal that I was satisfied with, and my husband had to show me how to iron a shirt. But my dad was right. I slowly learnt how to cook, and as I completed more household chores it was more about ‘practice makes perfect’. Sure, I still can’t cook some of the traditional meals that my mum makes however I learnt to cook different meals. Meals that my husband would compliment me on and that’s good enough for me.
Compared To Me
A few years ago, I caught up with one of my cousins. I consider her to be a fantastic wife and mum. Her cooking is delicious and she was like the Martha Stewart of the family. Needless to say, she was one of the cousins I was constantly compared to. We were discussing our time growing up and she brought up the fact that her parents would sometimes compare her to me. I was surprised. What was it that I did that she couldn’t already do? What was it that I had achieved that she hadn’t? She told me that they would compare my academic abilities to hers. I was in shock. Then I told her that I was also constantly compared to her, but for my lack of abilities in the kitchen and around the house. We laughed. Clearly there were no hard feelings. But I could see that she was as hurt by it all as I was.
Motivation by Comparison
Looking back, I think our parents thought by comparing us; they were really trying to motivate us to be better. However, it was a form of motivation that did not leave room for flexibility. It didn’t allow us to excel in the areas we were passionate about. It didn’t allow us to be ourselves.
For many years, those comparisons would often discourage me. But I didn’t let it get me down. I decided that I would do things for myself. I wanted to be proud of me and my abilities even though it didn’t fit into the traditional ideals of what a girl should be.
I am now at the stage where I am actually starting to enjoy cooking and I am doing it a lot more for my family. But I also make time for my other passions. And I want my children to do the same.
Lessons Learned
In every past experiences, there are good and bad. Out of the experience of being constantly compared, I have learnt that I would not do the same with my children. I believe our mums had only the best intentions for us. It took me a while but I can see now that she is, and has always been, proud of me. Thinking back, I would not be surprised if my mum had gone through the same comparisons when she was younger. Back in the days when a girl’s place was in the kitchen and her only requirement growing up was to be a good housewife. The generational gap has since changed all that however I believe it is good to have a balance.
Yes, I will teach, motivate and encourage my children to do everyday chores and what else life will require of them. However, I will not try to make them feel like they should be like someone else. I will be proud and show them that I am proud of their achievements, no matter how small it may be. I will encourage their potentials and expose them to experiences and opportunities which will make them explore their passions, ideas and individuality. I will not put them down or make them feel inadequate. But most of all, I will encourage them to talk to me when they doubt my support for them. A child should not be required to do something to be special. Being who they are should be special enough.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Love Vs Wealth
Wealth is Compulsory
My mum has a friend who was in love with a man. This man was also in love with her. He wanted to marry her and went to ask her father for his permission to ask her to marry him. Her father said no. He didn’t think this man was good enough for his daughter. Yes, this man had a job but it wasn’t a high paying job. Her father wanted someone who was wealthy, who had a house, who earned a very good living. Love was not regarded at all. It was clear that the prerequisite was money. The man was disappointed. He knew that he didn’t earn much but he would have given her the world. He would have worked hard to buy them a house. He would look after her and wanted to grow old with her. He dreamt of raising a family with her. She was the love of his life.
All Money, No Love
He asked her to marry him anyway; he knew that she was in love with him too. She argued with her parents, she wanted their approval. Her father refused to give it. Her mother begged her to break up with the man she loved. She decided that she had to respect her parents’ wishes even though she disagreed with them. She broke up with the man she loved. Suitors visited to ask her to marry them, they all satisfied her father’s prerequisite but she refused them all. They were all money, none were love.
His Wedding
A year later, her family received a wedding invitation. It was him. It was the man she loved. He was getting married. He had moved on and found someone else. Her parents attended. She couldn’t do it to herself. They told her it was a big wedding. The groom came to say hello to them. He asked them how she was doing. They found out from guests at the wedding that he was doing very well. He had promotions at work. He was earning a good salary. He bought a big house in a new estate. The bride was a very lucky girl. You know how people talk. She was heartbroken. How could she have let him get away? She should have had faith in him. She should have listened to her heart. How could she let the love of her life go, just like that, without a fight? She didn’t care about what he was now; she loved him for what he was before. But it was too late and she had to live with her decision. She resented her parents for years and they regretted their decision because she has refused to marry anyone who they thought was perfect for her.
Love Is Always Worth The Risk
Where does he work? How much does he make? Does he own any properties? What kind of car does he drive? These questions are still common. Not all parents worry about all these things however many still do. Sure, it can be justified by the fact that they just want their daughters to have a sense of security, that she will be provided for and will not have financial difficulties. However, without love, no relationship will be able to survive on wealth alone. Yeah, ok, love does not put food on the table and love does not pay the bills. And many women agree with this theory, they choose to leave the person they love and settle for someone they can grow to love because of this fear that they will have nothing. But there are those who chose to take the risk and work together with their partners. They encourage and support each other to get to a stage where they are content, happy and know that they have done the best they can to provide for their family. Don’t get me wrong, there are no guarantees; relationships can fail. However, I would rather fail at something I chose, than fail at something that was chosen for me. To me, love is always worth the risk.
My mum has a friend who was in love with a man. This man was also in love with her. He wanted to marry her and went to ask her father for his permission to ask her to marry him. Her father said no. He didn’t think this man was good enough for his daughter. Yes, this man had a job but it wasn’t a high paying job. Her father wanted someone who was wealthy, who had a house, who earned a very good living. Love was not regarded at all. It was clear that the prerequisite was money. The man was disappointed. He knew that he didn’t earn much but he would have given her the world. He would have worked hard to buy them a house. He would look after her and wanted to grow old with her. He dreamt of raising a family with her. She was the love of his life.
All Money, No Love
He asked her to marry him anyway; he knew that she was in love with him too. She argued with her parents, she wanted their approval. Her father refused to give it. Her mother begged her to break up with the man she loved. She decided that she had to respect her parents’ wishes even though she disagreed with them. She broke up with the man she loved. Suitors visited to ask her to marry them, they all satisfied her father’s prerequisite but she refused them all. They were all money, none were love.
His Wedding
A year later, her family received a wedding invitation. It was him. It was the man she loved. He was getting married. He had moved on and found someone else. Her parents attended. She couldn’t do it to herself. They told her it was a big wedding. The groom came to say hello to them. He asked them how she was doing. They found out from guests at the wedding that he was doing very well. He had promotions at work. He was earning a good salary. He bought a big house in a new estate. The bride was a very lucky girl. You know how people talk. She was heartbroken. How could she have let him get away? She should have had faith in him. She should have listened to her heart. How could she let the love of her life go, just like that, without a fight? She didn’t care about what he was now; she loved him for what he was before. But it was too late and she had to live with her decision. She resented her parents for years and they regretted their decision because she has refused to marry anyone who they thought was perfect for her.
Love Is Always Worth The Risk
Where does he work? How much does he make? Does he own any properties? What kind of car does he drive? These questions are still common. Not all parents worry about all these things however many still do. Sure, it can be justified by the fact that they just want their daughters to have a sense of security, that she will be provided for and will not have financial difficulties. However, without love, no relationship will be able to survive on wealth alone. Yeah, ok, love does not put food on the table and love does not pay the bills. And many women agree with this theory, they choose to leave the person they love and settle for someone they can grow to love because of this fear that they will have nothing. But there are those who chose to take the risk and work together with their partners. They encourage and support each other to get to a stage where they are content, happy and know that they have done the best they can to provide for their family. Don’t get me wrong, there are no guarantees; relationships can fail. However, I would rather fail at something I chose, than fail at something that was chosen for me. To me, love is always worth the risk.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The Not-So-Good Friend
The Good Friend Turn Not-So-Good
Before we started our relationship, my husband had planned to go on an overseas trip with his best friend. So after starting our relationship for a month, he began his trip. While he was away, he said that I should get to know his friends. One of them was his best friend’s ex-wife. He told me that, although she was no longer with his best friend, she was still a good friend and I should try to spend some time with her. I agreed and gave her a call. We met up for drinks after work and since she was renovating her apartment, I gave her a hand with a few small things and it was nice to get to know someone from my husband’s circle of friends. She had lots of stories to tell me about my husband and we had a few laughs and I thought of her as a good friend of his. One night, while she was driving me home, she asked me how my relationship with my husband, then boyfriend, was going. I told her that it was going fine, that although he was away, we kept in touch every night via ICQ and by phone. She then proceeded to tell me about my husband’s best friend, who was also her ex-husband, mostly negative things leading to why they divorced. What bothered me was when she started to tell me how similar my husband was to her ex-husband. That they would be sleeping with a lot of women while they were overseas and that my relationship would not last. She told me that my husband wouldn’t marry me and that he was just ‘using’ me. Of course, I told her that I disagreed.
Should I tell on her?
I was so disappointed about the conversation I had with my husband’s friend. I kept thinking that if she was as good a friend as my husband thought her to be, why would she say all those things about him? Shouldn’t she be telling me what a great guy he was and basically telling me more about the positives than the negatives? How much did my husband know about his friend and how would he react if I told him what happened? Would he think that I was making it up to sabotage his friendship with her or would he believe me?
Disappointed
When I got home, I logged onto the Internet and as usual, my husband was waiting for me on ICQ. He was happy to hear that I had spent some time with his friend. As much as I didn’t want to discuss what had happened, I knew that I had to; I needed to tell him the truth about his friend and what she thought of him. So I did. I told him about the conversation, word for word. He was shocked of course; he told me that he didn’t understand why she would say those things about him. I told him that I was too. I only started spending time with her because I thought she was a good friend of his. To me, a good friend would not say such things about you and definitely would not try to get your partner thinking that you are cheating on them or that you are ‘using’ them. Needless to say, I didn’t spend anymore time with her. I didn’t need the negativity and have someone trying to make me doubt the trust I have in my husband.
True Colours
When my husband came back from overseas, he saw his friend a few times and found that she was really not a good friend after all. She only called when she needed something and started saying negative things about our relationship. My husband told me that she seemed jealous of what we have because things didn’t work out with her relationship. He then decided to stop seeing her and is no longer in contact with her.
Worthy to be a Friend
Sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between good friends and not-so-good friends. Good friends would not put you down, they don’t sabotage your relationships and they certainly don’t call you just when they need something. Good friends are supportive, encouraging, they look out for your best interest, they call just because they want to know how you are going and you should be able to trust them 100%. Sometimes, it is difficult to see that a person who you’ve always thought is a good friend is really not. It can take a person from the outside looking in to see that someone is not who they seem to be. However, in the end, it is up to you to pay attention and decide whether this friend is positively contributing to your life or if they are really bringing you down. Life is too short to have not-so-good friends around. So get rid of them and make room for people who are worthy to be called “a friend”.
Before we started our relationship, my husband had planned to go on an overseas trip with his best friend. So after starting our relationship for a month, he began his trip. While he was away, he said that I should get to know his friends. One of them was his best friend’s ex-wife. He told me that, although she was no longer with his best friend, she was still a good friend and I should try to spend some time with her. I agreed and gave her a call. We met up for drinks after work and since she was renovating her apartment, I gave her a hand with a few small things and it was nice to get to know someone from my husband’s circle of friends. She had lots of stories to tell me about my husband and we had a few laughs and I thought of her as a good friend of his. One night, while she was driving me home, she asked me how my relationship with my husband, then boyfriend, was going. I told her that it was going fine, that although he was away, we kept in touch every night via ICQ and by phone. She then proceeded to tell me about my husband’s best friend, who was also her ex-husband, mostly negative things leading to why they divorced. What bothered me was when she started to tell me how similar my husband was to her ex-husband. That they would be sleeping with a lot of women while they were overseas and that my relationship would not last. She told me that my husband wouldn’t marry me and that he was just ‘using’ me. Of course, I told her that I disagreed.
Should I tell on her?
I was so disappointed about the conversation I had with my husband’s friend. I kept thinking that if she was as good a friend as my husband thought her to be, why would she say all those things about him? Shouldn’t she be telling me what a great guy he was and basically telling me more about the positives than the negatives? How much did my husband know about his friend and how would he react if I told him what happened? Would he think that I was making it up to sabotage his friendship with her or would he believe me?
Disappointed
When I got home, I logged onto the Internet and as usual, my husband was waiting for me on ICQ. He was happy to hear that I had spent some time with his friend. As much as I didn’t want to discuss what had happened, I knew that I had to; I needed to tell him the truth about his friend and what she thought of him. So I did. I told him about the conversation, word for word. He was shocked of course; he told me that he didn’t understand why she would say those things about him. I told him that I was too. I only started spending time with her because I thought she was a good friend of his. To me, a good friend would not say such things about you and definitely would not try to get your partner thinking that you are cheating on them or that you are ‘using’ them. Needless to say, I didn’t spend anymore time with her. I didn’t need the negativity and have someone trying to make me doubt the trust I have in my husband.
True Colours
When my husband came back from overseas, he saw his friend a few times and found that she was really not a good friend after all. She only called when she needed something and started saying negative things about our relationship. My husband told me that she seemed jealous of what we have because things didn’t work out with her relationship. He then decided to stop seeing her and is no longer in contact with her.
Worthy to be a Friend
Sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between good friends and not-so-good friends. Good friends would not put you down, they don’t sabotage your relationships and they certainly don’t call you just when they need something. Good friends are supportive, encouraging, they look out for your best interest, they call just because they want to know how you are going and you should be able to trust them 100%. Sometimes, it is difficult to see that a person who you’ve always thought is a good friend is really not. It can take a person from the outside looking in to see that someone is not who they seem to be. However, in the end, it is up to you to pay attention and decide whether this friend is positively contributing to your life or if they are really bringing you down. Life is too short to have not-so-good friends around. So get rid of them and make room for people who are worthy to be called “a friend”.
Friday, April 30, 2010
An Australianised Asian
A New Challenge
After managing the administration area of the Learning & Development department for a year, I was ready for a new challenge. I wanted to do something more IT related. The perfect opportunity came along when one of the company’s IT Trainer was promoted. My manager asked me if I was interested in the role. I told him that it would be a great challenge however I didn’t have a Certificate of Training and Assessment which is a requirement for the role. They told me that they would pay for me to complete the course and when I got my certificate, they would interview me for the role. I completed the course and was eventually promoted as the IT Trainer.
First Assignment
My first assignment as an IT Trainer was to go to Brisbane for three weeks and train State Managers, Branch Managers and Administrators on how to use a new application. I would fly there with the managers from Melbourne at 6am, go straight to the training site to set up and start training. I was nervous but excited at the same time. When we arrived at the training site, I started setting up the computers, there were 15 altogether as I had to train 15 people a day. People started arriving and I did not introduce myself because I was busily trying to set everything up so we could begin the session. Some of them decided to help me. They started to chat amongst themselves and one asked “When is the trainer arriving? I heard she is from Melbourne”.
Waiting for the Trainer
When everything was set up, I went to get a cup of coffee then went back into the training room. I went to sit at the front of the room, at the Trainer’s chair, and said in a loud voice “Ok everyone, let’s begin the training session. Please take a seat and sign the attendance sheet which will be passed around shortly”. One of the managers, who was not from Melbourne, said “We’re still waiting for the trainer”. I smiled and said “No, we are not, I am your trainer. My name is Jelvie Grech”. There were a few shocked expressions around the room however the session started and before long, we were done for the first day and went back to our hotel for drinks.
An Australian Sounding Assistant
After checking my emails in my hotel room, I went downstairs to the bar. I sat with the people I trained that day and they were talking about the session. I realised that I was the youngest person in the group, I was 23 at the time and everyone else would have been in their 40s or 50s. I was also the only Asian. Everyone else was Anglo-Australian. But I was used to that. I was also the only Asian in my department at the time. One of the managers I trained turned around and said to me “I was really worried that I wouldn’t understand your accent when I found out you were our trainer, but you actually sound Australian”. I laughed. Then another said “You look so young, we thought you were an assistant, just helping out”. I told them that it was interesting how these assumptions were made.
Who I Really Am
The same comments were made about me everywhere I went as a trainer. They were worried that I would have an accent that would be difficult to understand, or that I would not understand English, or that I was really too young to be training people who were older than me. However, after making trainees feel comfortable, they treated me as one of their own. They looked past their assumptions and realised that not all Asian looking individuals are the same. Some were born in Australia, some grew up in Australia. Some actually have accents that are not difficult to understand. They also realised that just because I was younger than them, it didn’t mean that I was not capable of doing my job. It would have been easy to feel intimidated and to be offended by all these assumptions but I chose to let it go. I found that if I got offended and let it get to me, people would not get a chance to get to know who I really am and their assumptions and perceptions would never change.
After managing the administration area of the Learning & Development department for a year, I was ready for a new challenge. I wanted to do something more IT related. The perfect opportunity came along when one of the company’s IT Trainer was promoted. My manager asked me if I was interested in the role. I told him that it would be a great challenge however I didn’t have a Certificate of Training and Assessment which is a requirement for the role. They told me that they would pay for me to complete the course and when I got my certificate, they would interview me for the role. I completed the course and was eventually promoted as the IT Trainer.
First Assignment
My first assignment as an IT Trainer was to go to Brisbane for three weeks and train State Managers, Branch Managers and Administrators on how to use a new application. I would fly there with the managers from Melbourne at 6am, go straight to the training site to set up and start training. I was nervous but excited at the same time. When we arrived at the training site, I started setting up the computers, there were 15 altogether as I had to train 15 people a day. People started arriving and I did not introduce myself because I was busily trying to set everything up so we could begin the session. Some of them decided to help me. They started to chat amongst themselves and one asked “When is the trainer arriving? I heard she is from Melbourne”.
Waiting for the Trainer
When everything was set up, I went to get a cup of coffee then went back into the training room. I went to sit at the front of the room, at the Trainer’s chair, and said in a loud voice “Ok everyone, let’s begin the training session. Please take a seat and sign the attendance sheet which will be passed around shortly”. One of the managers, who was not from Melbourne, said “We’re still waiting for the trainer”. I smiled and said “No, we are not, I am your trainer. My name is Jelvie Grech”. There were a few shocked expressions around the room however the session started and before long, we were done for the first day and went back to our hotel for drinks.
An Australian Sounding Assistant
After checking my emails in my hotel room, I went downstairs to the bar. I sat with the people I trained that day and they were talking about the session. I realised that I was the youngest person in the group, I was 23 at the time and everyone else would have been in their 40s or 50s. I was also the only Asian. Everyone else was Anglo-Australian. But I was used to that. I was also the only Asian in my department at the time. One of the managers I trained turned around and said to me “I was really worried that I wouldn’t understand your accent when I found out you were our trainer, but you actually sound Australian”. I laughed. Then another said “You look so young, we thought you were an assistant, just helping out”. I told them that it was interesting how these assumptions were made.
Who I Really Am
The same comments were made about me everywhere I went as a trainer. They were worried that I would have an accent that would be difficult to understand, or that I would not understand English, or that I was really too young to be training people who were older than me. However, after making trainees feel comfortable, they treated me as one of their own. They looked past their assumptions and realised that not all Asian looking individuals are the same. Some were born in Australia, some grew up in Australia. Some actually have accents that are not difficult to understand. They also realised that just because I was younger than them, it didn’t mean that I was not capable of doing my job. It would have been easy to feel intimidated and to be offended by all these assumptions but I chose to let it go. I found that if I got offended and let it get to me, people would not get a chance to get to know who I really am and their assumptions and perceptions would never change.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
The Scary Cancer Scare - Part 2
Something to Look Forward To
I went to see the doctor. She explained to me again about the biopsy. I cried again. She wanted to know why I was so upset. I told her that the thought of a big needle going into my breast was overwhelming. I told her that I was dreading the result if it was bad news. She told me that she understood. But that I should stay positive, that it would pass soon enough and if it is cancer, it’s better that I know sooner than later. The day I made an appointment for the biopsy I also made plans to do something on the day of the biopsy. Since we had Gold Class Tickets, I told my husband that I will get my Mum to baby-sit our son so that we can both go and see Sex and The City – The Movie. I wanted to look forward to something that day; I didn’t want it to be the day I got the biopsy. My husband said it was a good idea.
The Dreaded Biopsy
My husband arrived shortly after I did at The Alfred that day. I asked him to come along and be there with me. I was soon called in and after getting changed, I was led into the same room where I had the first ultrasound. The doctor then came in. She explained that she will be taking 2-3 samples, depending on how satisfied she is with the amount. She then injected my breast in several places with the anaesthetic. After she was sure that it was numb, she showed me the needle that would be used for the biopsy. It was a long needle that looked like a tube with a sharp end and it was connected to a button. She explained that she will count to three before pressing the button so that I can be prepared for the loud click. I braced myself for the first shot at getting the sample. The doctor inserted the needle into my breast and moved it around while she was looking at the ultrasound so she could insert it into the lump. It was such a weird feeling, the pressure of the needle moving around chasing a moving lump. She counted and I squeezed my husband’s hand. However, when she pressed the button, the clicking was so loud; I jumped and gave everyone a fright. I apologised. She took the first sample out, then said she will take a second one just incase. So again, the needle was inserted and this time I didn’t jump when she pressed the button. I breathed a sigh of relief until she said that she wanted to try for the last time to get a better sample. Apparently the lump kept moving and it wasn’t that easy. So again, the needle was inserted but this time, when she pressed the trigger, I felt an excruciating pain. It was so painful, I started crying and she asked me whether I was ok. I told her that I felt extreme pain. She apologised and said that she didn’t put the anaesthetic that deep but didn’t have time to stop as she had a good chance of getting a better sample. I was upset but didn’t want to show it. I thought, at least it was over and done with and I can now leave.
Life is Too Short
Before we left for the movie, I told my Mum about the biopsy. No one, besides my husband, my pastor and his wife, knew about the lump. I showed my Mum where they did the biopsy. They had placed clear bandage over the area and it was still bleeding. I could see that my Mum was upset that I had to go through this. I told her not to worry as I didn’t know anything at this stage. I then left to see the movie.
The movie was what I needed to take my mind off things. My husband told me to order what I like in the cinema so I decided to indulge. Life is too short to hesitate.
Back to Square One
I had just arrived at the childcare centre to pick up my son, when my phone rang. It was Felicity, the doctor. She was calling about the biopsy results. I felt like I was holding my breath while I was listening to her.
“Jelvie, I’m sorry to tell you this, I know how upset you were about the biopsy and I was sure we would get a result”, she said
“Oh, you haven’t received the results yet?” I asked.
“They did send me the results; however they said that it is inconclusive. They weren’t able to tell from all three samples whether it is just a lump or if it contains cancer cells”, she replied.
I was speechless. “Does that mean I have to do the biopsy again? I mean, how many samples did they need, they took three samples and the last one was painful because they didn’t put the anaesthetic deep enough”, I said. I was not happy.
“I’m sorry to hear that but let’s just discuss this when you come and see me, but just remember at this stage, we don’t know what it is yet”, she responded, trying to sound positive.
I called my husband to tell him. He was not happy. He was frustrated for me. His exact words were “What the f*ck did they do the biopsy for? All that pain you had to go through, I can’t believe it was for nothing”. We don't make a habit of swearing so the fact that he did told me that he was upset. We were back at square one.
What Next?
I went back to see the doctor again. She asked me if I wanted to do the biopsy again. I asked her what my other options were. She told me that I can either get the lump taken out which would involve surgery or I could go and see a specialist to check the lump again. The only thing with the specialist is that it would cost me around $400 per visit including her fees and any ultrasounds I needed to have. I told her that I wanted to see the specialist; I wanted a second opinion before I decide whether I should remove the lump altogether. The doctor referred me to a Breast Cancer Clinic in East Melbourne. I made an appointment soon after that. Through all this time, I was functioning as normal however so many things played in my head. I worried constantly. Thinking about the whole situation would make me cry. My husband and parents supported me through it all. My pastor and his wife prayed for me. It was all of them and my son who carried me through it. I thought, I'm going through all this now, imagine what a mess I'd be if I actually find out I had cancer.
The Specialist
The Breast Cancer Clinic was a very nice place. I waited in the waiting room and made myself a coffee which was provided. As I waited, I saw women walking in and out of the elevator. Some were young and some were older. Some with their partners, family members and their kids and some were alone. I could see that some of them were wearing hair pieces. Some wore scarves on their heads. Some had sunglasses on but were wiping tears off their faces. Were they crying because their treatment was not working? Were they crying because they only have a certain amount of time left to live? Were they crying because it was just too much for them to take? Their support person was rubbing their back, trying to make them feel better. It was a very sad situation. I prayed silently that I wouldn’t have to go through what they were going through. I prayed for them too. My name was then called and I had an ultrasound. Then the specialist came in. She was British, the specialist, she had a lovely accent. She then measured the lump and called out to her assistant who was typing it all in her computer. She checked for other lumps and measured them too. Finally she discussed the ultrasound with me. She said it looks like it was just a lump. No signs of breast cancer. But she told me that she wanted me to come back for a review in 3 months so she can check it again to make sure. I was so relieved.
Thank God for My Thick and Wavy Hair
When I left the Breast Cancer Clinic, I remember walking down to the tram stop and thanking God for my hair. I’ve always wished for straight hair because my hair was thick and wavy. But seeing all those women in there with no hair or losing their hair, I realised that I should be happy with my hair. I should enjoy it and not take it for granted, just as I shouldn’t take everything else for granted because life is too short.
Never Take Life For Granted
I went back to see the specialist again a few times after my first appointment. My last review took place when I was a month pregnant with my second child. I wanted to make sure I had the all clear. I kept thinking about women with cancer who had to get treatment after their baby was born and they couldn't go home with their babies. The specialist told me that it was fine but I should see her if I felt any pain. I was relieved that it was just a lump but was aware that it did not mean cancer was off the table. I remember wishing that I had gone to see the specialist from the beginning. Maybe then I wouldn’t have required a biopsy. But all the experience I went through showed me that sometimes we just have to surrender and deal with situations that are not ideal but cannot be avoided. Even though I didn’t have cancer, I realised that people with cancer did not just have to deal with physical pain. They also have to deal with emotional pain that was so intense that if they didn’t have people to support them or something to look forward to in life; they would find it easy to give up. I am glad I have people around me who care for me and pray for me. And every time I get the chance, I would always tell my sons that I love them and shower them with hugs and kisses. This cancer scare was enough reason for me to appreciate the little things in life and to give thanks for all that I am blessed with.
I went to see the doctor. She explained to me again about the biopsy. I cried again. She wanted to know why I was so upset. I told her that the thought of a big needle going into my breast was overwhelming. I told her that I was dreading the result if it was bad news. She told me that she understood. But that I should stay positive, that it would pass soon enough and if it is cancer, it’s better that I know sooner than later. The day I made an appointment for the biopsy I also made plans to do something on the day of the biopsy. Since we had Gold Class Tickets, I told my husband that I will get my Mum to baby-sit our son so that we can both go and see Sex and The City – The Movie. I wanted to look forward to something that day; I didn’t want it to be the day I got the biopsy. My husband said it was a good idea.
The Dreaded Biopsy
My husband arrived shortly after I did at The Alfred that day. I asked him to come along and be there with me. I was soon called in and after getting changed, I was led into the same room where I had the first ultrasound. The doctor then came in. She explained that she will be taking 2-3 samples, depending on how satisfied she is with the amount. She then injected my breast in several places with the anaesthetic. After she was sure that it was numb, she showed me the needle that would be used for the biopsy. It was a long needle that looked like a tube with a sharp end and it was connected to a button. She explained that she will count to three before pressing the button so that I can be prepared for the loud click. I braced myself for the first shot at getting the sample. The doctor inserted the needle into my breast and moved it around while she was looking at the ultrasound so she could insert it into the lump. It was such a weird feeling, the pressure of the needle moving around chasing a moving lump. She counted and I squeezed my husband’s hand. However, when she pressed the button, the clicking was so loud; I jumped and gave everyone a fright. I apologised. She took the first sample out, then said she will take a second one just incase. So again, the needle was inserted and this time I didn’t jump when she pressed the button. I breathed a sigh of relief until she said that she wanted to try for the last time to get a better sample. Apparently the lump kept moving and it wasn’t that easy. So again, the needle was inserted but this time, when she pressed the trigger, I felt an excruciating pain. It was so painful, I started crying and she asked me whether I was ok. I told her that I felt extreme pain. She apologised and said that she didn’t put the anaesthetic that deep but didn’t have time to stop as she had a good chance of getting a better sample. I was upset but didn’t want to show it. I thought, at least it was over and done with and I can now leave.
Life is Too Short
Before we left for the movie, I told my Mum about the biopsy. No one, besides my husband, my pastor and his wife, knew about the lump. I showed my Mum where they did the biopsy. They had placed clear bandage over the area and it was still bleeding. I could see that my Mum was upset that I had to go through this. I told her not to worry as I didn’t know anything at this stage. I then left to see the movie.
The movie was what I needed to take my mind off things. My husband told me to order what I like in the cinema so I decided to indulge. Life is too short to hesitate.
Back to Square One
I had just arrived at the childcare centre to pick up my son, when my phone rang. It was Felicity, the doctor. She was calling about the biopsy results. I felt like I was holding my breath while I was listening to her.
“Jelvie, I’m sorry to tell you this, I know how upset you were about the biopsy and I was sure we would get a result”, she said
“Oh, you haven’t received the results yet?” I asked.
“They did send me the results; however they said that it is inconclusive. They weren’t able to tell from all three samples whether it is just a lump or if it contains cancer cells”, she replied.
I was speechless. “Does that mean I have to do the biopsy again? I mean, how many samples did they need, they took three samples and the last one was painful because they didn’t put the anaesthetic deep enough”, I said. I was not happy.
“I’m sorry to hear that but let’s just discuss this when you come and see me, but just remember at this stage, we don’t know what it is yet”, she responded, trying to sound positive.
I called my husband to tell him. He was not happy. He was frustrated for me. His exact words were “What the f*ck did they do the biopsy for? All that pain you had to go through, I can’t believe it was for nothing”. We don't make a habit of swearing so the fact that he did told me that he was upset. We were back at square one.
What Next?
I went back to see the doctor again. She asked me if I wanted to do the biopsy again. I asked her what my other options were. She told me that I can either get the lump taken out which would involve surgery or I could go and see a specialist to check the lump again. The only thing with the specialist is that it would cost me around $400 per visit including her fees and any ultrasounds I needed to have. I told her that I wanted to see the specialist; I wanted a second opinion before I decide whether I should remove the lump altogether. The doctor referred me to a Breast Cancer Clinic in East Melbourne. I made an appointment soon after that. Through all this time, I was functioning as normal however so many things played in my head. I worried constantly. Thinking about the whole situation would make me cry. My husband and parents supported me through it all. My pastor and his wife prayed for me. It was all of them and my son who carried me through it. I thought, I'm going through all this now, imagine what a mess I'd be if I actually find out I had cancer.
The Specialist
The Breast Cancer Clinic was a very nice place. I waited in the waiting room and made myself a coffee which was provided. As I waited, I saw women walking in and out of the elevator. Some were young and some were older. Some with their partners, family members and their kids and some were alone. I could see that some of them were wearing hair pieces. Some wore scarves on their heads. Some had sunglasses on but were wiping tears off their faces. Were they crying because their treatment was not working? Were they crying because they only have a certain amount of time left to live? Were they crying because it was just too much for them to take? Their support person was rubbing their back, trying to make them feel better. It was a very sad situation. I prayed silently that I wouldn’t have to go through what they were going through. I prayed for them too. My name was then called and I had an ultrasound. Then the specialist came in. She was British, the specialist, she had a lovely accent. She then measured the lump and called out to her assistant who was typing it all in her computer. She checked for other lumps and measured them too. Finally she discussed the ultrasound with me. She said it looks like it was just a lump. No signs of breast cancer. But she told me that she wanted me to come back for a review in 3 months so she can check it again to make sure. I was so relieved.
Thank God for My Thick and Wavy Hair
When I left the Breast Cancer Clinic, I remember walking down to the tram stop and thanking God for my hair. I’ve always wished for straight hair because my hair was thick and wavy. But seeing all those women in there with no hair or losing their hair, I realised that I should be happy with my hair. I should enjoy it and not take it for granted, just as I shouldn’t take everything else for granted because life is too short.
Never Take Life For Granted
I went back to see the specialist again a few times after my first appointment. My last review took place when I was a month pregnant with my second child. I wanted to make sure I had the all clear. I kept thinking about women with cancer who had to get treatment after their baby was born and they couldn't go home with their babies. The specialist told me that it was fine but I should see her if I felt any pain. I was relieved that it was just a lump but was aware that it did not mean cancer was off the table. I remember wishing that I had gone to see the specialist from the beginning. Maybe then I wouldn’t have required a biopsy. But all the experience I went through showed me that sometimes we just have to surrender and deal with situations that are not ideal but cannot be avoided. Even though I didn’t have cancer, I realised that people with cancer did not just have to deal with physical pain. They also have to deal with emotional pain that was so intense that if they didn’t have people to support them or something to look forward to in life; they would find it easy to give up. I am glad I have people around me who care for me and pray for me. And every time I get the chance, I would always tell my sons that I love them and shower them with hugs and kisses. This cancer scare was enough reason for me to appreciate the little things in life and to give thanks for all that I am blessed with.
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